Cake eating or progress?

[Trixi]

Well, Max, good for you for recognizing you are too emotionally volatile to give a good answer regarding NZ. Too many people just go off half-cocked instead of really knowing their emotional state.

To answer your questions-
Is life getting better? I don't know. The real estate market in my area has really taken a dive and I am stressing over that. I am also a little ticked off at being in limbo land and "wasting" all this money on rent, etc, when we could just be living together and making our marriage work.

Am I looking for other orchards? No. BUT- I also can't keep this up forever. I am a good partner and deserve more than what I am getting now.

Do I want to shake the tree? Naw

If he were to turn around and commit would I trust him? I don't know. I have been having a rough few days; lots of memories popping into my head of bad things that happened during his time of waffling; thoughts of him with those other women (whoever they were)(even though, he would say we were headed for divorce so it wasn't really cheating). We had such a great time in Costa Rica and he was SOOO loving, but now he isn't being 'as sweet' and I am feeling worried. Intellectually, I know most of my emotions are being created between my ears and not by anything he has done (or not done). I am feeling rather depressed right now.

Ultimately, I guess I will just continue to wait it out and see what happens. Just to add to the complexity, his (really messed up) son is now wanting to move in with him. So, my H will have a 25yo roommate AND a 21yo messed up son living with him. The worst part of about the messed up kid is that my H is trying to minimize the gravity of it. H has NO idea what he is setting himself up for. Of course, whether or not the kid is messed up, there isn't any room for me in the house and that sucks.

Wow- I am crying my eyes out right now- I am NOT having a good day at ALL!