NikB #26 (tentatively moving to Piecing, again)

[NikB]

Michelle
Good point, we've gotten through lots of other "bombiversaries." And who knows.. H may not even remember that he 1. thought that and/or 2. told me that. He tends to forget a LOT of what he felt/said/did during those days.

ST
About the EA - the first one (the one I tried to be friends with early on) is still going on. The contact with her is WAY less, but I know he still talks to her at work a lot and they call/text back and forth. None of it's "romantic" type stuff, but it's not appropriate - i.e. he'll talk to her about problems he has with me instead of (novel concept) talking to ME about it. He knows I have a problem with it so he doesn't do any of it in front of my anymore, no longer goes to her house or spends time with her after work or on the weekends, etc. Still inappropriate talks with her, though. To this day he sees nothing wrong with it. The few times I have brought it up, he feels I'm being unreasonable because "she's just a friend!" At some point I will have to address it with him and push the issue, but I don't think we're quite on solid enough ground just yet.

I am thinking about asking him to go back to MC with me but this time with the goal of IMPROVING things, not deciding to separate or not. That's all he ever seemed to think MC was for was to have someone present when he dropped bombs on me - he felt like we should "work on things" on our own and didn't need the MC. I think I can successfully argue this point now though, given that we proved already we can't do it on our own very well. I think a third party talking to us/him about the damage of an EA would be more effective too.

About the wedding - that could be. He was really weird about that M. He kept talking about how he really liked the bride/wife but "I guess we'll never see [cousin's name] at family functions anymore" or "that's the last we'll see of [cousin's name]" - it was very odd. She's VERY family oriented and they get together with the family all the time - heck I think they see H's dad more often than HE does! And I am very supportive of the family functions as well, even host them sometimes, so it's not like he was "telling" me something through those comments. I've never figured it out.

You're absolutely right, I need to act as if and set that anxiety aside completely! Thank you for the reminder. And I think that makes the decision on talking to H about it too. No reason to get BOTH of us anxious about it, better to work through it on my own and focus on having a good time.

Ahh I look forward to the day of it being a faded nightmare.