and welcome to the Divorce Busting forum. While you are likely to hear some very sad stories here, and cries of "Get out while you still can, youngster!", there are some success/recovery stories here also. For example, Alimari is in the process of repairing her SSM with her husband, while I am in the process of recovering my own SSM from near-divorce.
I, for one, will not tell you that you should cut-and-run, but will state my belief that every marriage is worth the effort to save. My wife will tell you that "marriage is the hardest thing she has ever done," and I will agree with her. But she and I will also tell you that it is well worth the effort required to make it work. Too many couples these days don't have the stamina and perseverance necessary to establish a strong marital relationship and keep it strong, especially since most of us make many mistakes along the way, and once your relationship starts to spiral downward, it's hard to reverse course.
You wrote:
Originally Posted By: CallMePotato
My wife and I have been married for just over a year, and together for two.....It [sex] has really been on the decline (it wasn't great before we got married, but at least it was like twice a week or so)....now, we're down to maybe once a month.
Just looking at your chronology, you've reached the first major road-block that all marriages must pass through: the end of the infatuation stage of the relationship and the beginning of the stability stage. Many folks have never experienced this before marriage, and don't realize that there is some definite brain-chemistry behind this shift. No more free and easy passion hormones, just lots of stability-inducing Oxycotin. There are plenty of articles on the web about this two-year-point phenomena, so I won't bore you with it. The point is that many newly-weds feel that they are falling "out of love," and losing their passion for each other at this stage in the relationship, and I wonder if this is what you are going through?
If this is the case, there is hope, of course. There are definite steps you can take to keep those passionate feelings (and hormones) alive and active in your marriage, BUT it takes lots of work and conscious effort: the lustful "free ride" is over.
The key to saving your marriage, as I've said before, is getting both partners on board and working on it. If sex is the main issue in your marriage right now, and your wife (and perhaps you) do not understand gender differences and how men and women approach sex very differently, then some education is very much in order. Gender differences alone were a major source of misunderstanding and conflict in my own marriage, and I would strongly advise you to NOT take the more than 20 years it took me to put the pieces together.
At any rate, keep talking to us, and know that you're supported here.
Take care,
Bagheera
Me 50, W 45, M for 26 yrs S25, D23, S13, S10 20+ year SSM; recovery began Oct 2007
