Any Regrets???

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I think it's VERY interesting that, summarizing, many people wish they had both done something firmer, and yet also detached more and become more loving.

DBing, but with firm boundaries, drawn very early. Hmmmmm . . .

Puppy

Yeah, I think I've heard someone saying that around here a few times. Who was that now??? Karen

Please tell me the last post on this thread isn't going to be a simple I told you so

PROMISE, Denise. I do have an observation on this, but it's more complex than you're imagining. Right now, I'm just gathering opinions.

Puppy

[Yoyowife]

Puppy,
Great thread. I too wish I had stayed away from the begging, pleading, and crying. Easier said than done though. I think the right solution would be DBing with a little tough love thrown in there. I think often, that we WAS are too afraid to set boundaries for the fear that we will push them away further.

Basically we are too afraid to tell them to stop seeing the OP for fear that we will push them away. Well, they have already pulled away so can we really push them further by telling them that we do not wish to be part of a triangle?

I'm just rambling here...please feel free to step in and agree or disagree.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Puppy,
Great thread. I too wish I had stayed away from the begging, pleading, and crying. Easier said than done though. I think the right solution would be DBing with a little tough love thrown in there. I think often, that we WAS are too afraid to set boundaries for the fear that we will push them away further.

Basically we are too afraid to tell them to stop seeing the OP for fear that we will push them away. Well, they have already pulled away so can we really push them further by telling them that we do not wish to be part of a triangle?

I'm just rambling here...please feel free to step in and agree or disagree.

I am but a disinterested observer, Yoyo . . .

Thanks for the post!

[kat727]

I wish I would have kicked him out within a day or two of him telling me about OW and exposed him to both of our fanmilies right from the start. I have been dealing with this A for nearly 2 years but only found DB/DR in February. I did so many things wrong, but they were honest mistakes since I was dealing with my heart.
I don't think it was wrong to let him know that he is loved and that the door is open at least for a while longer if he wants to rethink his choices. I have come to realize that I was the one putting the majority of family work into this marriage and so when he decided very early that he "couldn't" give up OW it was easy for him to detach and go his merry way.
There may be no saving this marriage. I just don't know, but as long as there is a sliver of hope I am in the fight.
kat

[Yoyowife]

Puppy,
I know that you are a big advocate for being truthful. I am posting mainly on piecing now. My thread is entitled "Piecing?"
Would you please go over and read my lastest post today (5/8) and give me your thoughts?

Sometimes I wonder if I push the envelope too far?

Thanks, Yoyo

[Barbara66]

I wish I would have kicked him out within a day or two of him telling me about OW and exposed him to both of our fanmilies right from the start. I have been dealing with this A for nearly 2 years but only found DB/DR in February. I did so many things wrong, but they were honest mistakes since I was dealing with my heart.
I don't think it was wrong to let him know that he is loved and that the door is open at least for a while longer if he wants to rethink his choices. I have come to realize that I was the one putting the majority of family work into this marriage and so when he decided very early that he "couldn't" give up OW it was easy for him to detach and go his merry way.
There may be no saving this marriage. I just don't know, but as long as there is a sliver of hope I am in the fight.
kat

kat, I could have written this. I am dealing day to day with the realization that my H may be to far gone already, but I refuse to give up. We had a great 21 years togehter, to just throw that away because of some OOW who he has only seen in person 2x? Well, that's just crazy to me. I too, am in the fight. Good Luck Kat!

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Puppy,
I know that you are a big advocate for being truthful. I am posting mainly on piecing now. My thread is entitled "Piecing?"
Would you please go over and read my lastest post today (5/8) and give me your thoughts?

Sometimes I wonder if I push the envelope too far?

Thanks, Yoyo

Yoyo,

I replied on your "Piecing" thread.

Puppy

[Sugar and Spice]

I think often, that we WAS are too afraid to set boundaries for the fear that we will push them away further.

Basically we are too afraid to tell them to stop seeing the OP for fear that we will push them away. Well, they have already pulled away so can we really push them further by telling them that we do not wish to be part of a triangle?

This is/was me in a nutshell Yoyo. I was so afraid to tell him to go that I completely lost sight of the fact he was already gone. I don't know if my H and I will ever find our way back...

Puppy, I have asked for your take on my sitch before and I know you are busy, but could I please implore you to take a look and give me your honest opinion on what I should do? (I'm pretty sure you don't give any other type of opinions...)
Thanks,
S&S

[Yoyowife]

[quote=Yoyowife] I think often, that we WAS are too afraid to set boundaries for the fear that we will push them away further.

Basically we are too afraid to tell them to stop seeing the OP for fear that we will push them away. Well, they have already pulled away so can we really push them further by telling them that we do not wish to be part of a triangle?

In the first paragraph I meant LBS instead of WAS, but I'm assuming that most people caught my mistake and knew what I meant. Sorry....

[Sugar and Spice]

In the first paragraph I meant LBS instead of WAS, but I'm assuming that most people caught my mistake and knew what I meant. Sorry....

I knew what you meant and I'm pretty sure everyone else does too, no harm no foul.