Hey, I did that one too and it didn't work for me either. It just seemed to make my husband more certain that leaving and divorcing me was the right thing to do. I used logic, brought in the cost of divorce, the impact on the kids (and my husband LOVES his kids), bought up the fact that waiting until the youngest was 17 wasn't horribly long, and he might want to consider at least hanging around until then.... I even suggested that before paying all this money out to lawyers, why don't we just go on a really nice European vacation!???
All of this just seemed to make my husband more certain that leaving and divorcing me was the "right thing to do." I think it felt like pursuit, neediness and begging to my husband.
Another thing, I now realize that if my husband had responded to that and came back out of guilt, or feeling like he "had to come back for the kids," I'd probably still be dealing with him wanting to leave. He'd still be wondering what he was missing outside the marriage, and if he would have been happier with OW....or out dating in the single world. And any time there was a problem, he'd probably blame me for ruining the relationship (which actually I did have a hand in!!!), coersed him into coming back when he truly didn't want to be with me or married to me.
As far as the kids go, I told mine. I don't like lying or hiding things. But I did try to do it without blame or anger towards my H.
I'd probably forward any email OW sent me to H (and include any reply I might write). And, I'd write a reply telling her she was the lowest life form on the planet, she must really be desperate if she has to hook up with a married man, and my kids will always hate her (Hee hee!!! Just kidding on that last one). Then I'd end it with "Never contact me again."
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
