Real life's getting more like fiction each day....

[Starshyne]

That is REALLY funny about the alcoholic's class' test scores. LOL! Well I have made it to afternoon recess without killing any children. Actually that weren't THAT awful, just really excited about everything. I feel like I have been such a disservice to my students this year. Since we came back from Christmas break, my mind hasn't been here.

I heard my cell phone going off during the day today. When I went to check it during lunch it was from my mom. I was really hoping it was from H. I know this all is going to take time and he might not react at all to the detatching I have been doing. Sometimes it still shocks me that he is doing this again. I just can't believe it. I thought we had moved past this crap and here he is again...staying out and not coming home. Not caring enough to contact me. So wrapped up in his own little world and his own desires.

I know that there is nothing I can do to change him. Nothing at all. I also know that until he gets his relationship right with God again, his relationship with me isn't going to go anywhere. Right now he is just moving himself farther and farther away from God and from me.

I do feel trapped. Which is almost funny because he is the one that kept saying how trapped he felt. But I feel trapped. Right now I do not have a lot of choices and I hate that. Hate how everything seem totally out of my control. I am sick of riding this roller coaster and regret the day several months ago when I said that my life was boring and nothing ever happens.