H has apologized over and over for putting all of us through this, and says he wishes he could take back what has happened.
I am even told that he is thankful I am still his wife, that he feels very blessed to have me as his wife, that he finally realized I was the only one he ever really loved and so on.
There is a lot of pain involved on his end and it is so severe that he has difficulty forgiving himself.
I don't think we on the other side of this can ever know what that pain is like.
What I do know is that the closer they get to ending this, the more God speaks to them and it gets louder and louder in their heads. I think this is another reason why they stay away because there is so much pressure and they just need to be left alone for awhile.
Also, God allows us to suffer but we will be rewarded for this suffering.
I think it is like we are trying to climb a steep mountain and when we are at the bottom (or shall I say the beginning of this MLC), it is very hard, then as we approach the top of the cliff, it gets even harder for us and then finally, we have made it.
All in God's perfect timing.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
That was what I was trying to get across. Did you ever think that if you went dim, I'm not even saying dark, husband wouldn't feel that you were such a sure thing? Also, maybe you're right in that being left alone IS exactly what they need to burn this thing out once and for all. I just don't see that anything will ever change if you're not the one that takes the reighns since your husbands emotional issues and illness run so deep.
I have gone dim and he always ends up ontacting me.
I am not a believer in divorce and he is not seeking one either but no matter what I would say, what difference would it really make with someone like that? Nothing.
When I interfere, I interrupt the entire process and he feels as if I am manipulating and controlling. When I sit back, there is a difference and progress is made.
Sometimes we are so much in the thick of it, we don't actually see the progress.
He tells me so many times how miserable he is. Someone like me would want to get out of the misery and it sounds easy but for him, it is just the opposite.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I need to restore my faith in God again as I feel like I am falling in this hole deeper and deeper. Where has my faith gone? HE has promised that this pending D is not the end but the just the beginning for me and that HE *GOD* will be my H now!!!
I just closed on my house this week, but good'ol H was behind again on the mortagage that we barely broke even. Gosh we owed even more that what we baught the house for 4 years ago!! Seprate for a year, no CS, now he says he will give me $220 a week until CS is ordered..yeah beleive when I see it... Now I must move in w/ mom (temporarly)w/ my three kids (overly crowded, kids must sleep on floor. My first hearing is @ end of this month.
I am sorry for those of you who have felt your faith has been jeopardized as a result of this.
I would refer you to the first book of Peter in the Bible--talks about suffering, etc. It really is inspiring.
Fasting helps some but not everyone does this. Also, go to the Charlyne Cares site and subscribe to her daily letter.
This is a very difficult and long journey not only for your spouses but for us as well. We choose whether we want to stick it out or not. However, some do not as their walk-away spouses choose to file for divorce.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
SF I admire you very much. I totally agree that things like LRT simply do not work with real MLC - it is a mental breakdown/crisis, and rationality goes out of the window. DBing techniques are wonderful, and they enable us to behave with dignity. I am less certain that they have any effect on MLC!
As for faith, well this certainly tests our faith. God isn't a coin in the slot. Because we don't get what we want doesn't mean God doesn't love us.
There are times when I have felt that God is very far away, but as it says 'Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.
