Well, it happens to the best of us Lan. Don't beat yourself up for what's been done and just try to make the most of things....like you have with the birthday. I am so proud of how you stepped up the PMA for the kid's sake, especially, but also by not giving up. Remember that you have worked hard on Lan, but W has not worked on herself. You were the one that came here to us on the board and got the DB book and rec'd the tools you needed, but she hasn't. I had to be reminded of that for my own stitch b/c nothing much has changed in my H, but I don't really expect him to now. He is being good to me and understanding toward my physical problems and pain, so for that I can be very thankful. He isn't demanding about anything, and that says an awful lot for a man that use to act mad if I missed a church service b/c I didn't feel well! He has been very patient with me and I could not ask for anymore than what he has shown. He has not pushed the physical contact and waits for me to make the first move....but I can understand why. I asked for him to back off when he was smothering me and he did. I have been in this "place" ....so to speak....for a while and maybe some day I can make further progress. For now, we seem to feel at peace, and at our age that is important.....you will understand that better when you are older (lol).
Anyway, I know I keep saying the same thing to you, but she has got to have time to work on herself and work things out in her mind and emotions and heart/soul.....all of that. She has done the right thing by coming home and I think she is trying to continue to do the right thing, but she may be wanting her emotions to hurry up and catch up. Many people use that term how love is a decision.....but that is not so easy when the heart is pulling in different directions from what your head is telling you. She is trying to make those decisions to love her H, I think. This may not be helping your feelings b/c you want to hear that her heart is full of desire and love for you and nothing else is distracting her thoughts. Someday, she will be there, Lan, if you keep working and improving yourself. If she can get through this period that she must work through herself....she will heal and be ready to be complete for only you again. I wish that every person could get over these things in a matter of a few weeks and get back on board with their M and pick up with their lives and move forward, but it just isn't that simple. I'm not telling you anything you haven't learned......just want you to know that you aren't alone.
Time is something none of us have much patient with. But, that is the key to a successful completion of the reconciliation of your M. You have been so strong in all of this. You are the one that has made it happen. You have kept the family from falling apart forever. That says that you are quite a man and you will inspire others here on the board not to give up in their stitch b/c you will see that love,time, and patient will work for you.
Take care.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
