For the guy with kids and WW II

[CBK]

H4H -

WDID hit the nail on the head as far as pursing. If you want to go on a hike to a national park - make the plans - take the kids. If she comes along great. I plan on taking a hike once a month, I am not hiding this from W, and will invite her (I know pursuing), but if she doesn't come, it will not ruin my day. This is part of GALing I think.

We are so close to being in the same boat. W's moods are killing some feelings toward her, her lack of any kind of connection toward me makes me resentful toward her. But then I switch up my moods and remember why I love this woman so much - so many times we put ourselves on that dang roller coaster...

Take care H4H.

CBK

[hopeful4her]

wdid and CBK, thank you.

Again, it is easy to give others advice but when it comes to me, hard take my own.

B never called and good thing. Don't need to be thinking about her or WW so much. Need to think more about myself.

On the way home, stopped to gas up. Another .10 cents up since last time! I start to call home and WW calls me at same time telling me she is on the way home. Kids told her that they wanted chic-filet. She asks what to get and then she decides that we'll both get nuggets and makes salads for ourselves and get the kids the sandwich family pack. I agree and ask her about her day. we talk for about 20 minutes about our days. Her day started terrible and got better after lunch. Lunch. What did you do for lunch? I am dying to ask. I won't. Felt really good to talk to her like that.

At home, she announces to me that she can't believe that she was shorted a pack of french fries, and shows me an empty pack. We laugh. Couldn't help herself. I get kids food ready and she checks on puppies and lets them all out. Puppies are everywhere and kids are running around and having a good time. We all are. Were laughing at the puppies and the kids. I make our salads and she continues to talk about work. We talk and we laugh some more and sit to eat.

She mentions that she was considering visiting her dad in Laredo this weekend. I think this is what was on her mind when I made the suggestion for the weekend getaway. Her dad had called yesterday evening and it was after that when I suggested the weekend. He is dying of cancer and did not sound good at all. I tell her that it would be a good idea to visit him, as I have suggested it before. We talk about her dad a bit. I ask her if she wants to take the kids along and she says yes. Not sure if I was invited. Didn't ask.

We sit and watch American Idol for a bit and she is laying on the sofa opposite of me. Her feet keep brushing my leg. She usually makes an effort to not let that happen. After a while, she does catch it and changes positions. After kids in bed, she asks about finishing the movie we started. She goes into room and starts to check bank account on computer to see her paycheck. She wants to see how much smaller her check is now that benefits are being deducted.

I ask about the benefits she chose. Family and addl life insurance including me.

Now this is part of the problem with us. I had told her not to take family coverage as everyone is on my insurance at work. She would be paying double for coverage. She should have gotten coverage for herself only at the very least. But now she is paying for family and so am I. Waste of money. Did I say anything. No. Don't want to point it out and make her sound like a dummy for her choice. She was probably thinking if we seperate. She sees the huge difference it makes in her check and becomes kind of quiet. Almost a $200 difference. Not good for someone that was planning on getting her own place. I could sense it.

We watch the rest of the movie and she falls asleep before the very last scene and opens her eyes as credits start to roll. I laugh at her and tell her the end. Earlier, she said something was going to happen in the movie and I pushed her shoulder and asked her how she knew. Go to bed with the blanket again, so again, we are a little closer than usual. More leg and arm touching.

In the morning, kids off to school and D6 is having another hard morning. WW decides she will take her to school. My usual lunch question. She says she'll take a sandwich, and I make our lunches. We are still playing around and joking with each other. It feels so good. WW puts D6 in car and comes back in to get her lunch. She tells me to have a good day and I tell her the same with a light touch of her arm.

I love days like these past couple. I do not fool myself however. I will just keep doing the same as I have. If what I am doing is pursuing, then maybe it is. It just seems right. Not overdoing. Just slightly more closeness. More friendship than anything else. No asking for a lunch date. No R talks. Working on me and my actions. Learning to do more things outside. Making more decisions. Making her laugh a little more. This is a 180 for me, being such a serious person all the time. Show how happy go lucky I am. Not trying to do all the stuff inside. Letting her do more, like waking up the kids and doing the dishes. I have been trying to do it all. Let her remember her part in the house. Planning more exciting things for the weekends. I do think that if I plan something and then tell her "Your invited if you want to come along, too" just doesn't sound right. I'm not inviting her, just assuming she's included. I think she assumes the same.

[hopeful4her]

As far as her coming along on the trips that I want to plan, if she says that she doesn't want to come along, then so be it. Not going to ask why or feel rejected, like I used to. Plans will always be made to be inclusive of everyone. It will be up to her to reject.

[CBK]

H4H -

Man, I am jealous! Sounds like some progress is being made. I agree with you, can always give advice, but can't stick to my own!

You did really well on the insurance issue - although that is $200 out the door, it may be something you can bring up later very innocently. The way our house is set up, when we watch movies, we have our chairs - and last time I tried to help her up, she got pissed. So leg touching, touch on the arm, those sound like good things to me.

I get what you are saying about the pursuing - if it feels right, then why not. I am no expert, my IC told me go with your heart (that made me nervous) when you are in doubt.

Glad you are not fooling yourself. Go slowly, know there will be setbacks, but it sounds like you two are getting to the friendship stage.

Be well my friend.

CBK

[hopeful4her]

CBK,

It comes out to $400 a month! Her check is bi-weekly.

It is hard to believe that this is the same woman that can spew such bile when an R talk comes up.

I know that OM makes her laugh and he is the outdoors kind of guy. Opposite of me. Trying the 180. I had become the serious one especially when dealing with the kids. WW comes off more as trying to be a friend than a parent. As the kids got older, the more we got pushed to the extreme part of the spectrum. Less serious and more fun. And definately not taking myself so seriously. Life is too short.

[hopeful4her]

Sidenote.

I can also see the difference my new attitude has made in my relationship with my kids.

As the song goes, " I'm not who I was."

[whatdidido]

This is key. You are changing and you said one time that she sees these changes. Whether she says it matters or not, it does. She needs to not have that excuse to leave. And, you need to know that you have done everything on your side that you possibly can do. You are doing very well.

Keep positive and I like how you will do whatever you plan whether she comes or not.

It's good you are thinking about why she is attracted to the OM, you will see where things were missing for her and can work on those things. My "list" was those things that I needed from H and didn't get.

[CBK]

Yea Spurs!!! I am sure you were watching the game. How long are you going to root for my Lakers?

[hopeful4her]

I would love to see a Laker/Spurs conference final showdown. Have to win another home game.

The good days are starting to string together more. I feel good, but it I just know in my heart that it is only me sticking my head in the sand. Perhaps. I keep on. I wish she would send me an email or text or something. I keep wanting to send her something, but I resist it.

Stayed a work an hour later than usual. Called home to tell kids I was on my way. D11 says that D6 ate all the peaches and wants some more and S14 says he spoke to WW and she is on her way. WW hasn't called me like she has the past few days when she gets out of work or at least getting off soon. Oh well. I get her call at about 6:30. She just left work. I tell her I will stop at grocery store to get some fruit. WW suggests barbequing the boneless ribs. Its kinda hot, but I agree. She says she will go drop off the videos and get some more. We talk a little small talk and then she asks if I can get her some makeup that she needs.

After I get everything I need for tonite, I am looking for her makeup. Nothing. I know exactly what she wants. It ain't there. I call her and no answer. Call again, and nothing. I have been at the store at least 45 minutes. The video store is in the same parking lot as where I am. Ok, she is either on the phone with OM and ignoring me or she still has her phone ringer off from work and can't hear my calls. I check out and drive past video store. No car. Five minutes from home, WW calls me and says she left her phone in car. She's been home and has decided to cook the ribs inside because it is too hot.

WW starts to cook and D's are working on gift bags for teacher appreciation day. I take over cooking and tell WW to help the girls. At dinner, WW says grace and afterwards, I watch my Spurs and WW watches one of the movies she got. After my game, I go sit with WW and finish the movie. After the movie, we talk about her day a little and the trip for the weekend.


This morning I wake up and find our arms together. She moves and her hand falls into mine and we are holding hands in her sleep. The alarm starts and I try to move and she tightens her grip. A couple of times. Then she moves again, and now she is kind of hugging my arm. I wish this could be happening with our eyes open.

Don't get me wrong. She was asleep. But it felt great.

[whatdidido]

h4h,

Things sound good and your weekend should be great as well.

Tell me your plan, again (for your situation). And, what is her plan....has she told you?

It's good to keep focused on that.