So personally my experience has been that talking to EX is a total waste of time and the less I have to do with EX the better off I am. If you think your EX is in denial and would rationalize and sugar coat things then I wouldn't bother listening to it. This was my experience but U know your EX personality so take that into concideration.
I guess my question is, what would your goal be in such a talk?
If you're still interested in a relationship with her, and that's the feeling I get, so I apologize if I'm wrong, then . . .
Would talking be more of the same?
Would you actually be able to approach it constructively?
If you're not, then . . .
Is there anything she could tell you that would matter?
I really have no interest in discussing anything beyond my daughter's needs with my ex. She is not that part of my life anymore, and I'm glad of it. Those kind of talks, I have a muuuuuch better mind and spirit to talk to than I ever had in her.
I guess my question is, what would your goal be in such a talk?
If you're still interested in a relationship with her, and that's the feeling I get, so I apologize if I'm wrong, then . . .
Would talking be more of the same?
Would you actually be able to approach it constructively?
If you're not, then . . .
Is there anything she could tell you that would matter?
I really have no interest in discussing anything beyond my daughter's needs with my ex. She is not that part of my life anymore, and I'm glad of it. Those kind of talks, I have a muuuuuch better mind and spirit to talk to than I ever had in her.
BH,
I think it is best summed up by what my divorced female friend asked..... "If your ex was standing right here willing to do ANYTHING, what could she do to make things right?" I said, "Nothing could UNDO what she has done." She said, "Exactly!"
NMD
"Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. That is what makes a marriage last --more than passion or even sex!" - Simone Signoret
Well, not sure I get the entire jist of what you're asking....The thread interested me because I recently approached my X "to talk".
My goal was to try to make things even better between us. We have been getting along fine, but I was tired of feeling tense is social situations.
I originally thought that I wanted to talk about the past, but decided I just didn't want to dredge all that up and create anymore bad feelings between us.
The interesting part is that I ended up hearing alot of I'm sorries, etc. without asking. I flat out told him my goal was to get to a better friendship level.
I know that this was just another letting go for me. I think that perhaps some of us feel like if we actually become friends with our X's we are saying they did nothing wrong.
In the end, I saw a man that knew he had hurt me and knew he had messed up. But, they are just humans and I do believe they didn't do it "TO" us.
Based on your registration date, I'm thinking that you really WANT the talk, you still need validation that you're not that bad that someone would leave you. I know this feeling well. It's not wrong to feel that way, but it is why we say to focus on being the best you can be to get that good feeling about yourself back.
It's not about you. And, never say never as far as them wanting to come back, after all, that's why we start out here. Most of us will never get the opportunity or it will be too late, but just as we didn't know how we'd react when they leave, not sure we exactly know what we'd do if they tried to come back. Either way, it's irrelevant to our healing.
I guess several people are reading into what I wrote. My question was what would you do if your ex wanted to have "the talk?" It was strictly theoretical centered on you. I was interested in what others thoughts were.
In my case, I am very happy with my new W. We have something I could have NEVER had with my exW because she was so self centered. However, my new W believes if my exW wants to sit down and talk, I should do it as she believes that is the healthiest option.
NMD
Last edited by No_More_Dodo; 05/08/0803:37 PM.
"Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. That is what makes a marriage last --more than passion or even sex!" - Simone Signoret
But, is there anything she could do to make you want to be with her?
BigHands,
Back in the post bomb days, she could have stepped up..... Been a woman of character.... As one female evangelist said, "Put on her BIG girl panties and DEAL with it." She could have worked on the M........ I guess I am a bit of an old fashioned romantic.... If you REALLY love someone, you will do ANYTHING to make it work.... She really loved someone - herself.......
After I found out she was dating BEFORE we were legally seperated.... That pretty much killed it.....
I decided it was over and remarried.... So, there is nothing she could do.
NMD
"Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. That is what makes a marriage last --more than passion or even sex!" - Simone Signoret
Sorry. After rereading what I put, I realize I probably funneled some irritation here at work onto your post. I sure didn't mean to do that. I wasn't trying to call you out. Just looking for some clarity, which you have more than provided.
