I guess it does take time! I just know it won't last with OW but will he come back to me??? I just don't know that either, as happy as we were & as much in love as we were I would think he would at least try. But he can hold a gruge so I don't know. Of course he blames me, I didn't have the affair & I was there for him, he re-wrote history in his mind, I hope one day deep down he can see it was him & not me.
Thanks for the good thoughts about my dog. I hope I don't have to let go right now!!! I'm sorry you had too, I also know how hard that is!!!!
I just know it won't last with OW but will he come back to me???
I know how badly you want answers. I just don't have any to offer. No one (probably not even your H) knows.
I used to be a master grudge holder. Time changed that for me. This current mess of mine has even made it better (believe it or not). I think with age, some of us realize that we're all screwed up in different ways and grudges just don't serve us.
It's easier to blame you. It validates his position. That's not to say that you had no part in all of this. I joked once with my H that while one of us drove the truck off in the ditch the other was in the back waving a beer can. It's true for us. We both put us here and I've done (and still do) alot of soul searching to figure out who it is I want to be and how to get there. It's the only thing I can do to save myself and our D's.
I just don't know that either, as happy as we were & as much in love as we were I would think he would at least try.
This is rational thinking. If your H is having a MLC he is not rational. This isn't about you or your M...unfortunately it is ALL about him.
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Of course he blames me, I didn't have the affair & I was there for him, he re-wrote history in his mind, I hope one day deep down he can see it was him & not me.
Your H is blaming you so he can justify what he is doing. Even if you were perfect, he could find things to blame you for. It sounds like you have handled things in your sitch so well since this all started. You have let him go and that is all you can do. The odd are that he and the OW won't work out but don't spend your life waiting for that to happen. You need work through the pain and figure out how to be happy on your own. It is the best thing you can do for yourself whether or not your H decides to come back.
Thank you so much for the advice. You are right he is not thinking rationally, anyone that would quit an excellent job & move to another state with a woman he doesn't really know, it's just crazy!!!
He always thought that I put the dogs, my church & my parents before him. I didn't see that, I always tried to do what he wanted. He was pretty controlling but not to the point that I couldn't do anything for myself. No I'm not perfect by no means & I'm sure I made mistakes. His biggest thing was that I didn't go back to work full time after I was laid off (but that is no reason to go out & have an A & D your wife). I really didn't have to & with me not working it meant I could do the housework, cleaning, etc. & have more time with him but he didn't see it that way. He wanted money, he likes to spend, I liked to save.
I'm trying to be happy & do things on my own, but right now I feel so empty! He was my family, my best friend & I miss so much talking to him & telling him things that you wouldn't tell anyone else. It's so sad!
Hi nlt, Glad I found your new thread. I just wanted to see how you were doing and let you know I've been thinking about you. It will take time for the pain to go away. Try to keep yourself busy. Hang in there, nlt.
(((((HUGS)))))
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
Hi Addie! Thank you for the hugs!! It means a lot to have all my new friends on this site!!
I just keep thinking my best friend will be back some day. I sure hope so but in the mean time I'm trying to do like Yellowrose & turn it over to God. I try but then here I go again!
I'm taking my dog to the holistic vet today & hopefully he can help with her. Right now would not be a good time to loose her.
I'll keep checking on you. I think you are doing well!!!
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
It was a weird experience! He is from my home town, small world. Anyway, he said there are several things wrong with her & said that she is worse than he thought she would be, but he also said that she would probably feel worse & be worse if I were not going through what I am going through. He said she is staying strong for me, she knows my pain & she knows I need her right now. He put her on about 11 different kinds of stuff, all natural! I have to try to get her on raw meats & vegetables & eventually get her off dog food. He thinks that we can control this & he said hopefully we could keep her around another couple of years at least. He doesn't think the kidney's are failing too bad, he said they are damaged but with proper diet & supplements maybe she will be all right!
She did eat a little last night & a little this morning which is better than it has been. She acts like she feels good this morning. I so wanted to call H & tell him all about this but I didn't.
I totally changed my dog's diet and now I cook for her. Worked miracles! She lives in order to eat, I'm sure
Great job, not calling H, btw.
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
