It is not the A that bothers me nearly as much as the fact that she thinks I owe her this lifestyle.
Some people just have a greater sense of entitlement.
For example, The X said that I needed to return some stuff that his parents had given to me as gifts b/c had we not gotten M - I would not have received those gifts. The X was German and received his green card by M me. I asked him if he was giving up his green card and returning to Germany b/c he received that by virtue of his M to me. He said no b/c he had "earned" the green card!
Anyway - the whole point is don't even try to figure out why W has a sense of entitlement - it is wasted brain energy. There is no rational foundation for it. It is just how her brain is wired. Someday you will look back and think of her behavior as silly - and it will no longer get to you.
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BTW, I did not say she is a good mother, just that she does love the kids and she IS there mother and they love her. This is subtly, but critically different.
W is the only mother your kids will ever have. My mother - well I had lots of issues with her and how she D my father. I had to work through all that and forgive my mother in order for me to be able to move on from my parent's D and my own D.
A year or two ago - I would have gone and on about everything that was wrong with my mother. Today at almost 43 - she did a lot of things wrong and she did a lot of very right things. All in all - she was not the demon that I use to think she was.
You will be the model that your kids will follow. If they can accept their mother as human - a person that made some mistakes. And while that mistake defines some aspects of her life - and that perhaps they will learn from those mistakes so they do not make them - those mistakes do not define W as a completely bad person. She is their mother and needs to retain her authority and position as their mother.
When you are given permission to be disrespectful of a parent as a consequence of judging thm - I think you grow up to be a more black/white and more judgemental person. That happened with me and my siblings. It is only after I have forgiven my mother and was able to see the positive things she had brought into my life - have I been able to relax and become a more tolerant person. I am not saying that is true for everyone - just my own personal experience with me.
