Well, not sure I get the entire jist of what you're asking....The thread interested me because I recently approached my X "to talk".
My goal was to try to make things even better between us. We have been getting along fine, but I was tired of feeling tense is social situations.
I originally thought that I wanted to talk about the past, but decided I just didn't want to dredge all that up and create anymore bad feelings between us.
The interesting part is that I ended up hearing alot of I'm sorries, etc. without asking. I flat out told him my goal was to get to a better friendship level.
I know that this was just another letting go for me. I think that perhaps some of us feel like if we actually become friends with our X's we are saying they did nothing wrong.
In the end, I saw a man that knew he had hurt me and knew he had messed up. But, they are just humans and I do believe they didn't do it "TO" us.
Based on your registration date, I'm thinking that you really WANT the talk, you still need validation that you're not that bad that someone would leave you. I know this feeling well. It's not wrong to feel that way, but it is why we say to focus on being the best you can be to get that good feeling about yourself back.
It's not about you. And, never say never as far as them wanting to come back, after all, that's why we start out here. Most of us will never get the opportunity or it will be too late, but just as we didn't know how we'd react when they leave, not sure we exactly know what we'd do if they tried to come back. Either way, it's irrelevant to our healing.
