I am coming here from the newbies board. I have the Final Decree on my desk and as soon as it is signed and filed today, I will be officially divorced. I feel numb, lost, hopeless, and alone. I know and understand the conventional wisdom that I get to keep all the changes I have made while going through this process. I can sincerely say the changes have been significant. My heart, however, does not seem to care.
I do not want this. I have spent the last 5 months in separation Dbing, backsliding, and Dbing some more. I’m sorry to say that I have failed. I think a link to my sitch is in my sig if anyone is interested. I have read many of your sitches and most of you seem to be much farther along than I am. I hope that I might benefit from your wisdom.
This is so hard. I miss my W so much. I have not wrapped my mind around the fact that she will no longer be in my life. It is so hard to imagine a life without her. This is hell.
Me: 35 WAW: 28 Bomb: 1/13/08 S: 1/14/08 D filed: 2/24/08 D final on 7/07/08
Do your damndest in an ostentatious manner all the time. -George S. Patton
My Sitch http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1405138&page=0&fpart=1
Sorry to see you here, like any of us. A couple of things to keep in mind here:
Failure is in the eye of the beholder.
A divorce is only a piece of paper.
If you're not ready to give up on your comittment to her, then you get to make that choice. Keep your changes going for you anyway. Whether she's in the picture or not is not relevant to those changes. It's your picture you're changing. And whether or not you do that is really the only measure of success to me. You've got it in yourself to make a happy life. You want her to share it. If she can't see far enough to want to, you've still got it.
hey there)))))) it takes a while for the heart to catch up with the brain, to understand that this is happening, it's ok to grieve, you are not hopeless you are just hurting and with all reason, there is a time for everything, later on you will make time to heal. Just know that you will feel better, that you will slowly make your own brand new path in life. Just try and keep busy, you came to this boards to fight for your M, that isnt' failure to me, faults and all (who here can say they never screwed up while dbing?) you gave it all you got and now it is time to move in a different direction, you are not defeated, just knocked down for bit.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Thanks BigHands, I'll meet you in the middle with a Jameson.
I get what you're saying. This is all moving so fast for me. In Texas there is a mandatory 60 day waiting period after filing. The W filed last February, kept it secret until the statute ran and then presented me all at once with the original petition, final decree, and the waivers of service and other documents necessary to expedite the D. This was a shock to me. My mantra had become: "Every day is just another day she hasn't filed."
I am entitled to citation and can force this if I want to. Having said that, I don't know that I would benefit by intentionally dragging this out. It would just give her another 60 days to resent me for making it hard on her. I feel my only card to play is just give her what she wants, let our M die, and hope that she will come to miss me. Until now, I have been doing the strange and beautiful dance of the committed Db'er. Now, I will no longer be emotionally and financially available to her. "Going dark" if you will.
Dark indeed.
Me: 35 WAW: 28 Bomb: 1/13/08 S: 1/14/08 D filed: 2/24/08 D final on 7/07/08
Do your damndest in an ostentatious manner all the time. -George S. Patton
My Sitch http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1405138&page=0&fpart=1
Actually, that sounds like a pretty sound plan. And you know what? You may accidentally find yourself along the way looking at life on your own with some hope.
Chicks dig optimism, even the ones who leave us. The point being, DBing was never about showing her this, or making her see that. It's about finding all these things for yourself. Mistakes made, changes needed, strengths hidden, and embracing them for your own good. It's about realizing that we need to be whole and happy whether we've got someone or not. So that people we hope to attract, whether it be a WAS or a prospective date down the road, see us at our best. And the people we love deserve us at our best.
Big-- You said more in that paragraph that in hundreds of random posts I've read.
One-- We know. You are not alone in this. We have felt as you are feeling, some more recently than others. It does get better, and you will surprise yourself with the strength that you are about to find.
Consider a L to check over all the paperwork before signing anything. You are still in shock and not likely to think of all considerations. Your employer might even have a discount or free consultation.
I feel for you and I truly mean that. I was the sameway. Just looking at the divorce papers made me physically ill, but this too shall pass. Your sitch seems to have gone so quickly that I'm sure the feelings are still raw. All I can tell you is that things do get better and life goes on. I know that it's hard for you to imagine that now but it's true.
