Question for butterflymom

[Treese]

BFM;

I am so grateful for you responding to me....I too feel as though we aren't done....no matter what he says...I just can't see it and if I can't see it, I'm not giving up....

The funny thing is that we can talk about just nothing and get along and then he leaves....goes to OW house and when he spends the night there and we see him the next day, he can't even look at me...I realize it's the guilt and in my heart I know he has to be thinking of me some of the time...I think about him all of the time..trying not to focus on him but he's the first thing I think about in the morning because he was the first person I would see in the mornings....it's hard. It's been almost a year since we made love and he says see....that shows you we're done...Hhhhh...
it's sad...I remember one day last summer when we were riding on the motorcycle and I asked him if we would ever make love again...and his response was "probably"... but that was before he left and before I found out other things.....I dream about making love to him..feeling his touch...friends want to fix me up with people...they told me I was the hot commodity right now...great...a piece of meat...and I don't want fixed up...I want my marriage restored...

And my H tells me that the Divorce is inevitable and he is trying to do it in steps so he doesnt disrupt my children's lives....does he not think it's already disrupted....

So, I go on and just get through the days. It's been 15 months since I found out about the A and 11 months since the bomb...and I don't feel any better really....I hate it all....I guess I've never really been on my own so I'm learning...not liking it but none of us here do...but we have no choice....


My H is NOT a jealous person at all....he would like nothing more than to have me get in to a relationship so he can say, "see, this is what's best".....exactly what he told my kids....that he was doing what was best for all of us....

for him maybe...


Treese