I just know it won't last with OW but will he come back to me???
I know how badly you want answers. I just don't have any to offer. No one (probably not even your H) knows.
I used to be a master grudge holder. Time changed that for me. This current mess of mine has even made it better (believe it or not). I think with age, some of us realize that we're all screwed up in different ways and grudges just don't serve us.
It's easier to blame you. It validates his position. That's not to say that you had no part in all of this. I joked once with my H that while one of us drove the truck off in the ditch the other was in the back waving a beer can. It's true for us. We both put us here and I've done (and still do) alot of soul searching to figure out who it is I want to be and how to get there. It's the only thing I can do to save myself and our D's.
