Mark, talking to you maybe is good because you can help me see this clearly. In the Om's mind, he knew that I had been with someone after my H for a year so he thought that I had "grievded" already. I agree I needed time to heal but at the time I thought I was healed and ready to move on, and I made the OM feel that way, too. Also, he is not pursuing me now. After he realized that I meant what I said (because we broke up many times before) he stopped pursuing. He never encouraged me to lie to H, he thought it was done. He did, at one point, ask if H knew I was seeing someone else and I told him, what I thought at the time: I assume so, I'm gone all the time. He said "well, thinking "maybe" and "knowing for sure" are two different things. He said "he might not be as happy with you if he knows for sure". But, that really was all that was said about that.
I see what you are saying about your W OM. I didn't have a miscarriage or anything like that. I had been separated for about a year and a half from my H and told OM that I was divorcing. Again, he isn't still after me....I'm just still haunted by my thoughts of him.
I see what you are saying about dragging this out and holding my marriage back. I hear you, and I will try not to do this. I do realize that my H is devoted to me and dealing with his pain of thoughts of the knowledge of OM makes me hurt more than how I feel about the OM.
CBK- You understand well. You always say the right things. The spark is what we are looking for again. We are both trying hard so that is in our favor. I hope your wife reconsiders because you will be so great if she comes back. Both of you will be lucky. Thanks for your continual support. It is what helps me get through the mess I'm in.
Sara- Your words to me so far have so much more meaning than they did before. I didnt realize that you were in my situation at one time. I know the OM is not someone I want to be with. I, too, know that my thoughts of him have nothing to do with him. I am going to decide to "throw him out of my head" too. If I don't stop, it will stop me from getting close to my H. I hate that the OM lives close. IT makes it harder because I am afraid I will run into him. I've suggested moving to H, but the housing market is so bad, we like the schools for our son, etc. It's really not an easy move.
Update- H talks about OM again last night. Asks more questions. I answer some and tell him that if he wants to ask more we should see a MC and talk about it in there. I've read people's posts in here and almost everyone says that knowing details does NOT help them and they wish they didn't know. I leave it up to him. I said that I don't want him to think I am keeping secrets, I just don't think it will help to know specifics. For example, he knows what the OM did for fun and he already has referenced him whenever that topic comes up. He talks about MOther's Day. I know what he is going to get me because he wanted me to tell him. Im not sure I even want that. I wish he would just do something on his own.
