~Ok I am over the little bump we had the other day. I do know I still have to kick it up a notch and be stellar..... put him first. He wants my full attention.. he needs me to be present and not doing other meaningless stuff when he is home.
@2 years later we are just finally getting this right. We are able to communicate in a way I hoestly never thought possible. It did take a whole h*ll of a lot of hard work to get here......and a lot of change in me. I am also reading and listening to the podcasts of A New Earth and amazingly they are helping me further. To grow as a person. I do think that is really key here. I think a lot of us get lost in our lives and our M and most importatnly our SELF gets lost in there. We are so busy doing we forget to really live. I do rememeber I started to live just some time ago...I always did enjoy the green grass when spring comes around and the Tulips and the Lilacs and of course how really blue the sky can get at times.... but when I really sat and took the time to be present I realized there is so much beauty in this world and I am focused on the UGLY.
I used to focus so hard on what he wasnt doing for me... when I looked really hard at me ....? ?????????????????????
Sure I was doing for him but it came from a place of fear and just to get the job done not usually from a place of love. He was guilty and so was I.......
Underneath it all I really loved him but all the other sh*t was dragging me down and I actively chose daily to carry around that Bag of *&^%$#(. Easier to carry around a bag of &(*&%^$ than to open it up and look deep at it and change and also let go of useless worry and regret and holding so tightly onto the past I wasnt even living in the present. Somedays the past seems a distant fog.. and it is sad really. Sad to think I wasted * we wasted so much time on things that did not work. So if something doesnt work change it and move it and replace it with something that does...... It feels so good to talk to my H and know he is actually listening. To know he really loves me and we are really going to be ok... I have to keep at it everyday. Anything worth having is worth effort and the beauty that comes from that effort is ... well priceless... Love and God bless... ~Ali
