Count down to separation - so we can "try".

[Abbey]

I've got to be careful about mixing... had a problem with one of the SSRIs last year. I am doing the Omega3 and B12 sup with no problem. Need the brain power to study.

As for H... Haven't heard boo from him since Sunday. Why do I have this strange feeling that I'm about to find out that the whole "play friends" thing over the last two months was just a big f'g act? That and the OW is still going strong. If that's the case, don't think I'll bother wanting a deceitful piece of sludge like that in my life.

I've been on a downhill slide since last friday and to be honest... these incremental emotional kicks in the stomach are becoming increasingly NOT worth it. How can anyone ever trust someone who,... given even the most recent history is "THAT" good of an actor. Simply can't trust anyone that deceptive and narcissistic.

Abbey

[MichelleLT]

It is different living with someone vs living separate. Don't read too much into it. He NEEDS his space, he NEEDS time, and he NEEDS to miss you if you are ever going to make it work for the long-term. So, give him space and time and make him miss you.

He is not used to living alone and managing the house all alone. I am sure he is feeling overwhelmed, stressed, and busy. Plus he doesn't have you around anymore - he's going through withdrawals. No matter how much he thought he wanted this S, he is now having to deal with the reality of it - and I bet it's not what he was expecting!

Let him be independent, let him do it himself, and let him miss you.

TIME IS ON YOUR SIDE.

The trust issue is a very good question and one we all struggle with, but he CAN earn back your trust if that's what the two of you want. That's an issue for later really.

[Abbey]

I'm catching him in little lies... things that he really should have no reason to lie about... unless of course he's accounting for his time, saying he's working so he can be with "her"... who knows.

I did say way back, that it wouldn't surprise me if he and she got back "on" for a while after I left. Rumors about that Paton Place town have already started to filter back to me... everything from he "hates" the critters (that's just funny unless he's the best actor in the world)... or he's got multi personalities.

It does still feel like this person is a completely DIFFERENT person than the person I thought I knew years ago. Alien abduction, I tell ya, alien abduction. *shakes head*

The trust thing is going to be huge for us because of my feelings of utter emotional abandonment at times over the last 4 years by him. If all of this wacko behavior, and what it's done to me is simply to HIDE his affair... then we're into a completely diff kettle of fish. This is not someone I'll want in my life, period.

Being on meds though... something has occurred to me... his wacko behavior is as the therapist suggested... bruised ego and "hurt" over the relationship hitting the skids. Everything he seems to be doing is to soothe his sore paws over it. Wacko behavior and all.... it's really not about me at all... even though he's lying to me etc... it's about him being out of his head and control.

Abbey

[MichelleLT]

I'm catching him in little lies... things that he really should have no reason to lie about... unless of course he's accounting for his time, saying he's working so he can be with "her"... who knows.

Only he does, and even that's a bit of an assumption in his current state of mind. Don't dwell on it too much.

It does still feel like this person is a completely DIFFERENT person than the person I thought I knew years ago. Alien abduction, I tell ya, alien abduction. *shakes head*

Tell me about it!

If all of this wacko behavior, and what it's done to me is simply to HIDE his affair... then we're into a completely diff kettle of fish. This is not someone I'll want in my life, period.

I respect that those actions might be a deal-breaker for you, but I would also caution you to never say never - you may not even be able to predict your own actions here.

Everything he seems to be doing is to soothe his sore paws over it. Wacko behavior and all.... it's really not about me at all... even though he's lying to me etc... it's about him being out of his head and control.

Truer words have never been spoken.

(((Abbey))))

[Abbey]

Was having a convo with one of my closest friends and something we started talking about has me thinking.

Me... I"m on meds... there is NO way in hell that I could be even remotely functional without them right now. He however is not.

Would (was?) my behavior at spots as wacko as his before I got on AD's?

I guess the point I"m getting at, is there's a part of him that's as broken about losing this relationship as I am. Thus I think the erratic behavior. He was glad to see me this morning... caught him looking at me when he didn't think I'd catch him.

This relationship was supposed to be our fairytale... we both have sore paws over it not working out happily ever after (so far)... so ... is part of what we see from our spouses the same kinds of emotional turmoils that we have... but they're acting them out different?

I mean, he's going out of his way to pick things for the house that he thinks I won't like. My comment today was to laugh and say well I don't live there anymore.... I don't care. *smile*

He's working really hard to try to show me he can do it all on his own... cept he's only sleeping a couple of hours a night he says. Hmmmm. His brain is going to keep frying for a while on those hours.

Abbey

[MichelleLT]

You got it. He's showing it different. Feeling it different. But feeling it nonetheless.

I'm glad the ADs are helping you out.

(((Abbey)))

[Abbey]

I even went out and bought flowers for the front of the house on Friday.

Called a friend and we went out for dinner also on Friday and another friend and her husband invited me out for dinner and chats on Saturday.

Keeping busy SURE helps... it's still lonely coming home to an empty house (the critters love me) :)... but it's the night time that I'm finding hard. I need to set up my music gear and start writing again and being self indulgent at night so I have something to "do".

The upping of ADs are starting to kick in I had a good and interesting chat up with the couple on Saturday... lots of inquisitive questions and insight on my reaction... and H's. They like my comments that I now come with a new rule book and Owners Manual. (My epiphany in the last week). Either way life now will NEVER be the same - whatever ends up happening in my future. *smile*

Abbey

[Abbey]

UPdating... slimebucket has been playing me ... he's still involved with his 27 year old tramp. Oh well... he can father his own grand children. How nice for them. *shakes head*

I don't know if I even want to do this anymore, let alone want anything to do with this SOB.

Abbey

[TwinDad]

Hey Abbey, I just saw your post and I must say it sounds like we are pretty much in the same bucket. although it sounds like you don't have any children from your posts (I have alomost 3 year old twins). I quick sitch overview is we have been having major issues for about 6 months and recently sold our house that we built together and are going our own ways (her coice not mine). She is moving into her house this week and I will move into a rental home next week. Also our 11th anniversary was one day after your anniversary.

I agree with you this whole thing just bites and is very difficult. I seem to get mixed signals like you do. We have a great time together, she wants attention from me, but doesn't want to talk about the R at all. She says she wants some space. We can be up in the middle of the night joking around talking about "our" house that she calls it then 15 minutes later she will ask how if I have found a place to stay.

I feel torn between being her friend and following the advice that everyone is telling me (her friends and family); to give her enougth space to choke on (she doesn't do alone as well as I do). In fact we spent last week apart....I took the kids ona vacation as the week went by she contacted me more and more and I could tell she was getting lonely. We had a great mothers day together and yet I am still moving out this week.

I just don't get it. She seems to have very little remorse about separating at all. I guess she thinks she can take as much time as she would like to figure things out and I will just come running back.

Anyways.....I didn't want to hijack your thread, but wanted to let you know that you have someone on this board that is pretty much in the same boat as you are. I hope it works out well for the both of us.

TwinDad

[girlfromipanema]

UPdating... slimebucket has been playing me ... he's still involved with his 27 year old tramp. Oh well... he can father his own grand children. How nice for them. *shakes head*

I don't know if I even want to do this anymore, let alone want anything to do with this SOB.

Abbey

((((((Abbey))))))

I'm so sorry... wish I had something profound to say that would lift you up from the sadness. Focus on you - go do something REALLY nice for yourself today (on slimebucket's dime if possible). You deserve to feel special.

xo,
gfi