I'm listening to all this and don't know why, but I find myself shaking my head. I had OM in my head and pined for him for over 20 years. And when I made the decision to literally throw him out of my head, that is what I did. When I thought of him, I said to myself, "Stop it. You are prolonging the problem. Stop thinking of him." And I stopped it. I whispered his name every night as I lay in bed, and you know what? I still do. It's a habit. But it no longer has meaning. It's an empty thought. I do plan to stop it, but it still seems automatic. Thinking of him was my way of soothing myself when things went against me. When I had a problem, I thought of him and it calmed me. He never had anything to do with it. It was me, calming myself, but his name was my mantra. I need to do without it. My fear is that I will be an old lady in the nursing home and my husband will visit me (not likely, he is 10 years older than me, but this is a fantasy) and I will call him by OM's name. Not a good way to get visits in your old age!
