OMG. g just said u dont want 2 live w daddy bcuz it isnt safe -right? Bcuz he always yells @ u? Yes, baby. Mommy? Daddy acts like a baby…but he is really scary. He doesnt do that 2 me - yet.
If this is indeed what D said, then W has been badmouthing me in front of her and she did NOTHING to alleviate any concerns of D toward me. Has she been coaching D to think I'm a monster? Has D overheard her conversations w/ people? What if my little girl is afraid of me b/c of what W has said and done? I'm so saddened by this.
Can my actions alone overcome these biases from her mother? I hope so. I really do.
She just seems to have a knack for sinking to ever lower levels of depravity(?). What she is aparently not at all rationally connected to (among other things)is that she keeps lowering herself into a pit that she won't even be able to emerge from. Lie after lie after lie.
I sure hope it is nothing more than a contrived statement which D has had no part in. I would tend to think that is the case, but that is nothing more than a hunch.
To watch her life slide into a wasteland which is governed by the devil is terribly sad indeed.
Your strength will not be compromised by any of the this RTL. You have what it takes to make it through this ugliness and it will be with that sweet little D. You need to pray and know that God will lead you and D through this. He will give you the strength you need to face these many challenges.
I will keep praying for your family. God bless you. Good night.
P.S. - I am watching my Phillies vs your Diamondbacks. It looks like it will come down to Wed. night to decide the series.
RTL, There is some form of injustice with the whole D process in regards to visitation. Again in my sitch, I too rarely saw my son until I had a temporary custody order put into place. I was seeing him maybe twice a week for a few hours at a time.
Throughout all of that, my son still loved me like I saw him the previous day. He was excited to see me and wanted to play as soon as we exchanged hugs. You will be surprised how much of a bond you have. They are also understand things a lot better then you think. Stay strong show your D the love that only a father can provide and the truth will prevail...
Me=29 WAW=25 S=2 "I need a break" = 6/07 Filed = 12/07
RTL I know that message must have hurt considering how much effort you put into your R with D. You don't know if your W took it out of context or even sometimes when young children are in a situation they can't comprehend they make up things so it will make sense to them. D may be trying to find reasons for your W not being with you. I work in high school and even teenagers will say outrageous things about their parents while they are going through a divorce. They look for reasons, even if they are not true. But it doesn't stop them from wanting to be with both parents. Maybe it is better if you don't respond to your W on this. Defending yourself my make things worse. You know D is happy and comfortable when she is with you and always looks forward to seeing you again. That is reality. If your W wants to hang on every word D says then she will drive herself nuts!
Tomato, Kerry, ND, Nut, Bizarre, and W2G - thanks for the support. I can only hope this comes back to bite her. I do save these texts and will be running them by my L most likely next week. I'm also hoping this continues to shed a negative light on how she's attempting to bias my D against me and the evaluator will see this and act on it quickly.
For now, I have to take the high road and get ready for our deposition on May 28th. I received a copy of the deposition letter today, so if W doesn't know she's being deposed by now, she'll find out pretty quickly. However, I think she already knows b/c she got really icy w/ me this past weekend. It probably came in Saturday's mail.
So I get to see my D tomorrow (yeah!) through mid-day Saturday when W will take her to our mutual friend to sleep over and play w/ her girls. I'm still a bit sickened by it b/c I know she's doing what she can to take people away from me, but as you all said, I will do nothing and allow the truth to come out.
I need to be a patient man. I believe this has occured to me b/c I need to learn to be patient and to let go. I also feel I have to learn how to love myself and be comfortable in my own skin. All of these things are happening and I'm getting better and better w/ them daily. I still have a long way to go, but I can see progress.
Since W and D are leaving for Indiana on the 14th and won't return until the 22nd, I asked for D on Monday and Tuesday of next week before they leave. I even offered to meet them at the airport Wednesday morning so D could stay w/ me another night. On Monday, W was seriously considering it. However, today (not that I'm surprised) things changed.
She now says she is extremely uncomfortable w/ this idea b/c I've been late every since she's known me (I won't dispute this as it is something I hate about myself and have been awful at correcting during my life -- what can I say, my parents taught me to not care about being prompt. It takes a lot of time to undo 37 years of bad habits. Oh, well, I'm working on it.
W continued on throughout the course of 3 e-mails telling me "NO" and ending by saying I can either have her pick up D at daycare on Tuesday or I'll get her until 6:30 pm on Tuesday. So, my response, was again to take the high road and not put any fuel on the fire. I wrote:
Quote:
This is unfortunate especially since you sounded optimistic on Monday night that I might be able to meet you at the airport on Wednesday morning and therefore keep her longer. However, if her staying w/ me on Tuesday evening is not an option for you, then I'll meet you at 6:30 pm at (location) on Tuesday, May 13th.
I'm sure I'll hear back from her on this one. She's back to the angry stage and I really think she'll stay there until custody and where D is going to school is settled. While D and W are gone, not only am I going to be working w/ my L, but I'm going to be checking out a few schools in the "neutral area" that is basically 1/2 way between our two jobs and talk to them about enrolling D. I'll at least have a plan in place to present to the evaluator about D starting Kindergarten in a place that is centrally located and thus fair for both of us.
Who knows how our phone call will go tonight. For that matter, who the heck knows how their EVER going to go w/ my W. Well, I was home late, so I decided to sit down and finally watch "There Will Be Blood" tonight. I've heard nothing but good things about it, so I'm kind of eager to press play.
Hey, I forgot to add in my last post that I've decided I'm sending W's mother a brief e-mail on Mother's Day despite what she wrote about my "forcibly raping" her daughter.
I'm going to take the high road again and simply say: Happy Mother's Day! I hope you are surrounded by the people you love dearly on your special day.
That is it. I'm also sending one out to her father on Father's Day. I can't let what they said in their letters change me. I have to stay true to myself.
Ok, just got off the phone from calling D. She wasn't too talkative. W did get on and said I hadn't replied to her e-mail from today. I told her I wrote her back and left it at at that. I really think she wanted to discuss her stance on Tuesday and wanted an argument from me. I didn't take the bait. I let go of the rope.
W also asked me to bring the portable DVD player so they could use it for the plane ride to Indiana. W then said she paid the $50 bill for D's trip to the hospital and I said I'd pay half and wrote W a check for $25 while we were talking. I mentioned her getting her grading done and how nice that will be and W said something about a new system for turning in grades and how it keeps crashing. She said sarcastically she wanted to kill herself and I joked back w/ her on that.
I finally said "D can call me later if she wants." W's reply: "I don't know. She was pretty distraught last night." I asked why and W said, "I sent you a text about it last night."
I acknowledged I received the text, but didn't go any further. Instead, I think I started whistling Nora Jones' "Come Away With Me" and W then said "Ok, goodnight" to which I replied "Get some sleep. Goodnight" and I hung up.
I'm really ticked that she is coaching D to be afraid of me. I'm praying I can remove this negative image from D's mind through my consistent actions. I can only hope. God, that is so cruel to do.
She's so desperate to control D that now she's trying to turn her against me. Very, very sad. I need the evaluator to rule and rule quickly.
RTL - Thanks for the sentiments on my now locked last thread. You have gained great patience and control of emotions to not argue back. It is so cruel if she is coaching your D to favor herself over you. That is the worst thing a parent can do. Check out #8 below (Parental Alienation Syndrome)...
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Here are the 12 worst parenting mistakes that divorcing or divorced parents can make:
1. Leaning on your child for support during this time of pain in your life is unhealthy and inappropriate. Children can not help their parents through the adult task of mourning the loss of a marriage! And loyalty issues will leave a child feeling guilty for siding against a parent or possibly disproportionately angry at a parent for leaving him with this burden. This is the time to lean on family and friends so you are strong enough to allow your child to lean on you.
2. You should never speak badly about your ex to or in front of the children. Although it may be difficult, it is not healthy for the children to take on your adult issues, even if they directly relate to the child. As a common example, a parent should not share with a child whether or not the other parent is paying child support, how much child support or when the child support doesn't come in no matter how tempting it may be. Because your child shares flesh and bone with your ex, any criticism of your ex will also feel like a criticism of the child and will erode his or her self esteem. This is never healthy and is certainly not productive.
3. Treating your child like a buddy and relating to him or her as a peer is a common change that occurs after some divorces. While it may be tempting to commiserate with your child since you have both lost something important in your lives, your losses are different. Your child is not a mini-adult!
4. Mothers of sons and fathers of daughters should be particularly careful that they do not put their oldest child into the position of "replacement spouse", "man of the house", "woman of the house", etc. Children need to feel like children and feel the security of knowing their parent can and will take care of all adult responsibilities.
5. Spoiling your child in order to divert his grief or pain is not a healthy way of dealing with his pain or yours. If you are the parent who has moved away from your child, you may have an even larger temptation to fight off since your time together will be so limited now. It feels important to make that time memorable to your child and what child doesn't love new toys? But more than toys, a child needs to feel stable and safe. This can be obtained through parenting "as usual", despite the changing life around you all. No child wants a toy to replace a parent.
6. Transferring your hostile feelings about the divorce or your ex onto your child is unhealthy, at best. Many children already feel like divorce is their fault when, of course, it never is. Although your child shares blood and genes with your ex, whom you may resent and despise, the child did not choose for any of this to happen.
7. Never discuss parenting time, custody or child support issues in front of the kids. This means no discussions during routine transfers of the children from one home to the other. It means no cell phone conversations with your children sitting in the back seating listening in. It means waiting until they go to bed or are out of the area before making phone calls to discuss adult issues. You probably felt it was important not to argue in front of your children when you were still married with your ex. This is just as important now that you are divorced! Even if you can discuss issues civilly, children should not be privy to them. It is far too common for children to overhear these discussions and feel as if they are the cause of the issue or they are a burden to one parent or the other. Children do not like to feel like a business transaction!
8. Alienating a child from the other parent is an all-too-common, often subconscious tactic that parents may use during or after a divorce. Alienating is a form of brainwashing where one repeatedly insists, to the child, that facts and feelings exist between the other parent and the child until the child begins to agree, whether true or not. When alienated long enough, children may resist any bond with the other parent and that parent may, out of frustration and hopelessness, sever ties with the child. This is the worst no-no any divorcing parent can commit and it has a name: Parental Alienation Syndrome.
9. Putting your child in the middle is one of the most common divorce no-no's. Asking your child questions about the other parent or time spent with the other parent, or asking your child to relay questions and information between parents are all harmful methods of putting the child in the middle. Parents should always communicate all issues privately between themselves and any questions or concerns about the other parent's home or situation should be directed at the parent, not the child.
10. Never put your child in the position of choosing. Most states have statues that require a child to be almost an adult before being capable of choosing where they want to live. Some states never allow the child this choice. This is because a child has natural healthy loyalty toward both parents. Being asked to make any choice between parents - whether the choice is who has custody or whose house the child wants to spend Christmas at - puts the child in the awkward position of shifting their loyalty away from one parent in favor of the other. This can leave them feeling guilty, resentful, angry and sad.
11. Don't make your child's special occasion an opportunity to focus on your marital resentment or hostility. Let your child's birthdays, holidays, school performances, dance recitals and sports events all be opportunities to focus on your child and how proud you are of your child. This is not the time to discuss parenting time issues, child support issues or to berate each other or ex-relatives. If you question your ability to be polite or civil, consider taking turns at special events or limiting your attendance. Often times, though, events will be large enough for parents to both attend at opposite ends of the room, leaving the child to interact freely with both sides of the family without fear of disruption or drama.
12. Although going through a divorce can make a parent feel emotionally needy, this should not be shared with your child through action or word. A child who feels a parent's neediness too much will begin feeling guilty or fearful of leaving the parent when it is time to spend time with the other parent. In some situations, children can feel so guilty that they no longer feel good about leaving the parent at all, even to go to school or to play at a friend's house. This is a huge burden to cast on a child.
