Well - I guess that acceptance of reality doesn't necessarily equate to understanding of why it is real. But, congratulations on taking some steps - they are a detour from your planned route, but it might feel good on one level to get moving. I can relate to your reluctance, but also know that sometimes you have to do something hard for your overall health. A number of medical analogies come to mind - like, amputating the toe to save the foot. . . .
It's great that you are finding your inner strength and self-reliance. You might hate the reason, but still appreciate what you have learned about yourself.
me: 47 H: 48 he has 2 grown sons M 1995(my 1st, his 3rd) hit iceberg 6/07 S 9/26/07 before now