I don't know if I can live with the "meanness" again. I've been thinking this week about things looking up as far as the possibility of getting back together. But upon reflection today of last year's events, I feel heart broken because the things that happened were just plain evil mean and I was PREGNANT. I was carrying his child, for goodness sake. I was in the Very High Risk category.
But when he would be compassionate or looking out for me in the hospital (or in the operating room, I remember I was fading fast because I had lost too much blood and he was begging me not to fall asleep), it was sincere. Our families mentioned that, too. I don't want to live with that unpredictability. Not knowing when he's going to be kind or how long it will last and when he's just going to be mean, when I need to count on him being in my corner.
Just thinking out loud here. I'm at such a crossroads. So many things need to fall into place for the marriage to work. Just getting him to agree to get back together is one small step in the overall picture.
