Supermom and the Brighter Tomorrow

[JennyF]

Lizzy...I've missed you!

And 40 is not old...but she is! I hope I didn't offend anyone who is 40+!
It's funny because all of my friends were expecting that she was going to be some seriously fabulous sexy woman...and from what they say that is not the case at all.
The great thing is that I'm feeling better about myself than I have since my 20's. I didn't know this body was still under there but apparently it is. I don't mean to sound vain....I'm not...but I know H has to be noticing this and if CFB is what people are saying she is then hopefully he gets a good look at what he's missing!! Dumba$$.

Anyway...just made an appmt to list my house next Monday. Hopefully the legal stuff is over with by then.
The real estate agent for the house I want called my agent to see if we wanted to make an offer. This is good news because they aren't getting any action so hopefully it will come down in price. It's kind of fun to sit back and watch fate take it's course without worrying about what the outcome will be. Why worry? So hopefully it will all fall into place...the next couple weeks will tell for sure.

My D has been having a really hard time at night. She's been sleeping in my bed with me because she doesn't want to go in her own bed. I've faught it a bit, but I am giving in. Normally I'm a stick to my guns kind of parent...let her whine it out for a while. But I feel so bad for her because things are so upside down for her with her 'new room' at her dad's 'new house'. Not to mention the 'new woman' and the 'new kids' that live there. My poor little girl is being put through the ringer so who the he!! cares if she wants to sleep with me? If she's still doing it in college then maybe I have something to worry about...for now if it's the way I can make her feel safe then sobeit. Can you tell that I'm trying to convince myself of this as I say it?

and Kerry...thanks for saying you don't know why H left me...I appreciate that.
J~

[blindsided1]

Hey Jenny, sorry to hear that you've had some emotional times of late. You'll pull through, you always do. I think it is perfectly fine that you D is sleeping with you. She probably needs a little extra TLC and definitely needs the safety of being close to you. Just be there for her and let her know you AREN'T going anywhere. I hope you get the house. It's sounds like it should be yours. And, for the record, 40 IS old on CFB's and OW. Now, since I am neither of those and am also almost 40, of course I still look and feel young.

- B

[hope2wrkitout]

Hey JF--

I have not posted in some time either. I still check in daily. I am loving the fact that OW was nothing to write home about. I don't know what is going on with these H's, but I do believe yours, mine and all the others will have regrets. I backed of my H big time and he calls several times per day, hangs out when he drops S off and he just told me today he was proud of me for getting ready to finish school in a week. The "very old" me would have been all over that. My H is pretty screwed up and our M was screwed up for some time. I can see that now. I would love for H to come back, but not until he got his head right. I know it is not me. I see that now too. He has his own issues that he needs to work out. He may never do that. I also hear him talk about how things are at his mom's house. I hear him say certain things and though I don't say it to him, I think to myself thank GOD that I no longer have to deal with that. I want my marriage to work, but no longer at the expense of my wants and needs and most of all my sanity. I would rather be alone than accept the BS he was putting out.

I too am proud of you. You have come a long way baby!

[JennyF]

thanks b & hope2workitout.

It's funny hope2workitout because even though H has NOT made any attempts to get friendly or anything with me, I sense that he is going to start to feel our connection again.
In the past, when I started to sense this...that's when I would tend to reach out to him only to get shut down. This time my head is on straight. I'm continuing to move in the other direction, no more reaching out. See...I'm finally DB'ing.

My friend who held the party for her husband on Sat called me today. The friends who feel bad about not inviting me to the party. Apparently this whole business has become the talk of the town. Friends are shocked and mad about H and his disrespect for everyone as well as his lack of class in bringer OW to the party. On top of it everyone is amazed about what OW was all about, especially that was hanging off all the men there and at one point I heard they MAKING OUT IN THE GARAGE! What are they 16? I mean this woman must by my complete opposite. I don't get it.
So my friend asked if she could come over tomorrow night to talk. The kids are with H so it will be good to talk over a bottle of wine.
I've decided that I'm going to be non-judgemental, but definitely honest with her about the whole thing. I think that quite a few people are disappointed that they allowed OW to be there and didn't invite me and they are really feeling bad about it. And so they should. But I don't want to dwell on it or hold it against them either. They too are frickin' confused and uncomfortabel about H right now and are only just starting to see the holes in his stories. A few people have commented to me about how sad it is because it's like watching a train wreck.
I only hope that they and everyone else starts to be honest too...with H. If they really want to support him, then be his friend and tell him what an @$$ he's being. Real friends don't just blindly support people making poor decisions...they're honest with them and give them a shake if necessary. That's a good friend. IMO anyway.
So we'll see how it goes. I'm looking forward to seeing and hanging out with her, I miss her a lot.
My papers went to H's lawyer today and H told me he has an appmt to see his L on Thurs. I have an appmt with my agent to list my house on Monday.
Balls are rolling!
J~

[redhottie]

Jenny, I had D10 crawl into bed with me the other night. I told her it was ok, I will always be here, do it if you need to.

Since I'm 40ish and hot, I'll forgive you for the 40 comment.

[JennyF]

40 isn't old. CFB looks old! Plus the 10 year age difference between them stands out a lot more when she looks old...\
J~

[W2G]

Wow Jenny... that's interesting news about OW... sounds like your H is a train wreck right now.. but it sounds like your mutual friends are waking up now too.. they shouldn't avoid you.. you are a friend too.. so they shouldn't choose sides.

I hope you have a really good time with your friend tonight.

Positive thoughts that you get an offer super quick on your home.. and then get the house that fate seems to have in store for you!!! If your H wakes up.. he could always move in with you to the new place.. and start making new memories!

Hugs,
W2G

[JennyF]

It amazes me how everything can be so unchanged for so long and then bam! It's all happening at once.

So I got more scoop today. H really dug himself a hole with the party on the weekend with a lot of people.
Apparently, OW was passed out in his truck for a couple hours. At 4AM the host of the party looked out and his truck was gone. She called him and he said he put her in the front seat and SHE DROVE to his Mom's. OMG. I am beside myself. Drinking and driving is something we never ever ever do. In 9 years I've never had one incident where H drove when he shouldn't have nor would he ever get in the car with someone who was drunk. No way. Now this? He's got 2 kids for Godsake! I just don't get it.

My friend came over to see me tonight, the one who hosted the party. She feels bad about it all and apologized for hurting me. It was a great talk. I finally got to share some of the 'other side' with her and I think it was an eyeopener for her in a lot of ways. She admits she's kept herself pretty uninfromed on purpose. But I told her that his version things is not reality. She's starting to get that and apparently so are a lot of people.
When people met OW and saw what she is all about (a maneater), I think they can all see how he was seduced and has just gotten himself in to deep.

SO...on top of all this H has been really nice to me this week. He brought me boxes for packing and is being quite friendly. Weird. I don't know....could be he's afraid I'm finding out the details from the weekend. But the little DB devil in me thinks that the little seed of doubt might have finally been planted.
I'm trying not to read too much into it and it is not changing my actions or outlook at this time.
I love this part of DB'ing....doing what I'm doing for me and knowing that it could be working on H, but if it's not...who cares! I'm going to be fine!
He lingered a bit when he brought the kids home tonight. He asked me if I has signed my papers (I already told him did), but I just said yes. He told me he was doing his tomorrow (he already told me that).
Then I told him that the real estate agent was coming to put the house up on Monday...and he said...but I thought you had to get the house ready...why don't you wait and get it ready next weekend? The guys been pushing me since S was 3 wks old to sell this house and now he wants to delay it a week?
So I said that if I want the house I found I have to get this house up sooner than later.
At that point I'm feeling a teeny bit emotional...I held it together but I had a sad look. I said, it's just hard to sell the house. He said, why don't you stay here then? I said you know that's not the point. And he really looked at me for the first time in a long time. Weird.
Then he continued to talk cute talk about S and stuff and he left.

I have a suspicion that he's starting to see OW as flawed and hopefully I'm not looking so bad afterall. It's funny how it is all playing out exactly how all those WAS stories do....it's bang on.

W2G...I did think about H moving into the other house with me if we were to give it another try. I'm making all my decisions as if it is over, but the way I see it....no amount of paper work or living arrangements will prevent us from coming back together if that is what is meant to be.
Time will tell. I think it's starting to!
J~

[JennyF]

Nothing really new to report today.

I've been feeling a little off all week though. Almost feeling like I was a few months ago. I think it's a combination of things. One that I found what OW is all about and so it now seems so much more obvious that it's only a matter of time before that ends. But also because of H being friendly with me yesterday and suggesting putting the house up a week later.
Now unlike the old me I'm not looking at any of this as even remotely a sign of hope.
This time I am staying the course and continuing to focus on me and moving myself forward. The house will be on the market on Monday. The way I see it is that even if things are getting shaky with him...perhaps it's partially because of my current mindset. So I'll keep doing more of the same and let it play out.

H has both kids overnight tonight. :-(
I feel like a piece of me is missing when they're not home and I find it hard to motivate myself to do anything else. And I have a LOT to do. Not to mention this is the perfect night for me to do it because I will have the kids all weekend.
So I'm going to pack some boxes up for a couple hours and then pick up Thai food and head over to a friends. I am DYING for spicey food! I officially stopped nursing yesterday so now I can eat what I want. I'm a little sad about the nursing, but it really felt like the right time for both of us. It was done very gradually.
That's it for now.
J~

[blindsided1]

Jenny,
Wow interesting events. I am very interested to see how things progress. You're doing great and good luck with the house. I wish I could only be as strong as you. Have a great night and enjoy your dinner. Keep me posted!!!