So I already typed an update twice and some how it's gone so i'm starting over with a new thread
H and I had a really good talk. First time I felt like he was really listening to me and didnt get defensive. I told him exactly what i need and expect from him (which I should have done a long time ago and never did). H swears "it's not what I think" Says they are just friends and he knows he needs to cut that off. Says he has not seen her in at least a month other than at work (but has gone to her work to see her), has not stayed at her house and gave her back her house key. Says they dont have any R talks, about them or us. H said he honestly didnt realize he was calling her so much and has not called her since I got the bill. I dont know how much of this I believe but he has been making steps in the right direction to work on our M lately. So I guess I will see. It's only been 2 days but so far he has done the things I have asked of him. I guess now that he knows what I need and expect there are no more excuses. I told him things that pertained to us, our marriage and our family. Didnt get into OW but he knows where I stand there too. I feel a sense of relief after talking with him, just to get this off my chest and out in the open. Plus to hear where he is coming from and what he is thinking good. I am going out of town for a few days so I think it will be a good break for both us. As for the phone bill....it's been about the same past 3 months or so. Havent noticed any changes either way. H swears it will be different next month but I have heard that several times before.
not much new as I have been out of town. H so far has done the things I asked of him we will see where it goes I guess. i'm home with my family having a good time trying not to think about my REAL life
Glad to hear you're enjoying time with your family. I'm so glad you were able to have that talk with your H before you went. You can only live in silence so long. It just builds resentment, which is the last thing you want if you're trying to reconcile!
ok so H called today and informed me he is going on vacation sunday thru wed or thursday. Claims to be going with some guy friend of which I dont know, and he hasent talked to in months. I was livid to say the least. He cant ever seem to take an hour off of work to spend with his family, mostly his son but now he can up and leave for 4-5 days. Plus I am worried that he may be going with OW. I intend on asking him at some point but I know he wouldnt tell me the truth if he was. Besides all this we really dont have the money for him to go as he just went on a fishing trip last weekend!! I"m so frustrated it feels like it's always something and I am really tired of his selfish behavior. I hate that I get pissed about something for a day then forgive him and go back down the cheeseless tunnel! I think it's time I took a stand. I think I want to tell H, I want to our M to work but until he is 100% committed; meaning no contanct with OW and no more selfish behavior, then I am done. I would have told him he couldnt go and I know H realizes that by my reaction but it's still hurtful that he never asked my opinion either. I guess I cant make him be a good dad or a good husband for that matter, I just dont understand how it's ok with him to be away from his son this much......
hurtmom, I totally hear you and can relate. I am always getting ticked off about something H does (like not coming home until 2am several nights in a row) and make plans to do this or that, but then I cool off and H says something nice and I forgive and head back down the cheeseless tunnel. It sounds like you and I are mice walking the tunnel together! I am just not emotionally ready to say "I'm done" and actually go through with it. I should be there, but needlesstosay...I'm not.
Yeah the whole vacation thing would make me think that he was with OW. My H says there isn't another OW also. That he is just hanging out with some guys until 2am. Whatever. I was not born yesterday. Could you get the phone number of the hotel he will be staying in case of an emergency with your daughter?
Try your best to do some fun things while he is gone...and just keep hanging in there.
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
H claims this friends parents have a place and that's where they will be staying...so I really have no way of knowing who he is there with. Especially since I dont know this "friend". I will try to keep bust it's just all so frustrating not being able to trust him...thanks for responding
Ask him for calls and the number, this is not a tenacious request considering you are willing to work on it despite his past issues. If he is committed he should have no issue doing this, he has to give and keep you informed in order to rebuild trust. Your request would be fair.
Married:10 years D final 8/28/08 10 minutes is all it took Life goes on and DB was no small part in growing from the Divorce!
Tell him you want to meet this friend (Not in a suspicious manner, but in a friendly interested manner. Like is he married? Can you meet the wife? Maybe these can be some new friends for the both of you...) Where is he going? Is it faraway??? Any chance you can drive, or fly in for a the afternoon and have lunch with the two of them? If so, don't forget to bring a camera...
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
well I live in MI and H is going to FL, so no I really cant go. I have a 20month or son and it would be too expensive that I dont think it's worth it. I did think however of checking to see if OW shows up to work on sunday since she works nights. I NO i should not snoop and I havent in months but if he is on vacation with her I am completly done with H!!!!! I will be seeing my attorney before H can blink! H says he needs to get away I told him I went away to give you space for 6 weeks and then I was just gone for four day, you havent lived in this house for 5 months how much more space could you possibly need!! H says he needs space from OW BUT he dosent have to see her. They no longer work together so if he is seeing her it's his own fault. WHATEVER cant change him I just have to find a better way of dealing with things. I told him how pissed I was tonight then of course he bends over backwards to come over tom. so I can have a night out, calls several times in a row and leaves messages...why does it always take me being upset and pushed to my limits for him to do something then he falls back to the same routine!
