Help Me Act AS IF, Part 5

[newnamenewlife]

Today I forced myself to call a L whose name a friend gave me. I didn't actually set up an appt, but now I have the info. It was a big step for me. I emailed H and told him I'd called the L and was trying to be cooperative with the S. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I felt a sense of relief at having made some slight move, but now I'm back to feeling profoundly awful and lonely again. I am slowly dropping the rope, but as it drops it is giving me rope burns. It is just so hard to accept that my H has no interest in being with me at all. We used to be joined at the hip, in our own little world, and each other's favorite person. I am still so mystified. Even if I must accept that this IS, I still don't really understand how our R took such a drastic turn.