My main regret is not finding DB earlier. I could have avoided the period of begging, pleading, arguing, and self-pity. The other thing I wish I could have done was to keep OM out of my mind and avoid snooping about him. It just messed me up inside, trashed my PMA, and drove W away faster.
Me45 W35 M6 T8 D16 SD11 D0 Dec 07: Bomb July 08: Busted! Thread
I regret crying so much in front of H. I asked too much about the EA and still bring her up which has resulted in him thinking more about her . I wish I had never found out about her.
In our R I regret not paying closer attention to his LL and showing him love in the way he would have wanted. I also regret not finding a C earlier to help me with my issues.
What am I doing more of? Trying to get on with my life. Also I'm trying not to make contact with him unless it's necessary (not too good at this I'm afraid).
Jen
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
just insert OW for OM and H for W and you have my sentiments exactly "My main regret is not finding DB earlier. I could have avoided the period of begging, pleading, arguing, and self-pity. The other thing I wish I could have done was to keep OM out of my mind and avoid snooping about him. It just messed me up inside, trashed my PMA, and drove W away faster. "
Yeah, I regret having the Affair. I should have pushed harder for more counseling and pushed for a pro-marriage counselor. When it got to the point of me "crossing the line" I should have told H before that happened so that he would have known how I was feeling and how important it was for us/him to do something before I did something we both will regret.
I wish my H would have forced us to work on our marriage, yet, I did come back to him 3 years later after he pretty much detached for those 3 full years. When it got to the point of me having to "do something", I realized that I didn't want to leave my son and I didn't want to be divorced. I could never be married to my son's father, no one can replace him. So, it made me choose.
Sooooo....if you are looking to summarize......what seems to work is either making your spouse do something right away and play hard ball to make her/him see what she is choosing and hope she makes a "non-fogged out" choice or wait a lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng time for her to come around on her own.
Yeah, I regret having the Affair. I should have pushed harder for more counseling and pushed for a pro-marriage counselor. When it got to the point of me "crossing the line" I should have told H before that happened so that he would have known how I was feeling and how important it was for us/him to do something before I did something we both will regret.
I wish my H would have forced us to work on our marriage, yet, I did come back to him 3 years later after he pretty much detached for those 3 full years. When it got to the point of me having to "do something", I realized that I didn't want to leave my son and I didn't want to be divorced. I could never be married to my son's father, no one can replace him. So, it made me choose.
Sooooo....if you are looking to summarize......what seems to work is either making your spouse do something right away and play hard ball to make her/him see what she is choosing and hope she makes a "non-fogged out" choice or wait a lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng time for her to come around on her own.
Thank you for this post, WDID.
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
what seems to work is either making your spouse do something right away and play hard ball to make her/him see what she is choosing and hope she makes a "non-fogged out" choice or wait a lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng time for her to come around on her own.
I think it's VERY interesting that, summarizing, many people wish they had both done something firmer, and yet also detached more and become more loving.
DBing, but with firm boundaries, drawn very early. Hmmmmm . . .
I think it's VERY interesting that, summarizing, many people wish they had both done something firmer, and yet also detached more and become more loving.
DBing, but with firm boundaries, drawn very early. Hmmmmm . . .
Puppy
Yeah, I think I've heard someone saying that around here a few times. Who was that now??? Karen
I think it's VERY interesting that, summarizing, many people wish they had both done something firmer, and yet also detached more and become more loving.
DBing, but with firm boundaries, drawn very early. Hmmmmm . . .
Puppy
Yeah, I think I've heard someone saying that around here a few times. Who was that now??? Karen
Please tell me the last post on this thread isn't going to be a simple I told you so
Me~34 H~38 D6.5
EA/PA-DEC.07
Moved out~Apr.13,08 Sep. Papers~Dec.7,08 No contact order ~Dec.9,08 and again October 13, 2009
I guess there are things I regret, but overall I did things that I thought were best for me at the time. They weren't always the best choices, but they were things that I thought were right at that moment. Hindsight is always 20/20. Maybe if I hadn't let my H back in the house the night I took away his keys, things would have been different. But he came back saying all of the things I wanted to hear and at the time I thought he was serious. Maybe I shouldn't have called the OW and then told my H what she said. But like I said...everything I did when I did it was because I thought it was the best at that time. I have never been through this type of junk before, what did I know?
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
. I wish I had never found out about her.
Karen