For the guy with kids and WW II

[CBK]

Hey H4H - just saw your post on ROP. I have an office in Austin I get to every now and then and some good friends that live outside of SA in the hill country. If I ever get there, I will let you know.

CBK

[hopeful4her]

I will be glad to take full credit, Jeff. Sometimes it is good to laugh at things.

I posted on your thread that I see what you are planning in your sitch and I agree with you.

CBK, my Spurs are getting old like me. I will remain hopeful just as I am for my WW. Until I hear the words, "I want to work this out" or she gives me my ring back, I try not to read into anything she does. This situation is the same as it was almost a year ago. I have learned a lot on this site and have been given great advise, so I am the one that has changed.

wdid, I know that even though WW has told me to move on and has spewed out some things to the affect of her not wanting me to love her like I do. That I'll only get hurt, waiting for her is not fair to me, blah, blah. I may be on the right track, but it sure don't feel like it. At times, I feel so desperate for intimacy. I may try things soon. Nothing crazy. And not for at least a couple weeks away from any R talk. Things like giving a kiss on the cheek goodbye or when getting home. Sleeping with my hand on her side. A little more touches here and there when I talk to her, or when passing by her. Not yet, mind you. Hopefully soon.

I know the kids getting more closer to me everyday is getting to her. I'm just not sure if it is good or bad to her in her mind. WW calls me while I at work. She is calling from work and she tells me that she didn't make it to the meeting. We talk a little and she has to finish with a client. I tell her that I may work a little later than usual, but not real late. On the way home, I call WW to find out if she wants me to start dinner, because she mentioned something she wanted to cook. I want her to give me the ok first, because she always accuses me of taking over in the kitchen. I have worked on that. I just want to help. No answer. Call again, no answer. Maybe her phone is on vibrate and she forget to reset the ringer after work. Maybe she is on the phone with OM. WW calls about 20 minutes later. She talks about traffic and I ask her about what she wants for dinner. She changed her mind and decided on homemade hamburgers because of D's. They wanted Micky D's, but she told them she would make some better. I tell her that I'll get started on french fries, homemade of course. We talk about gas and I tell her that she might as well get gas now. Inside of gas station, WW asks me if I need cigarettes. I tell her no, I am quitting and I'll see her at home. At home, I greet WW and she responds. She starts to help D6 with some writing. She did that quick. No chance for me to help. D6 mentions the email that I sent to teacher. I say yes, I just wanted to see how you are doing (I told teacher that I know she knows our sitch because of the last teacher conference she had with WW I saw notes that mention "parents seperating") and to tell her to email me on her progress and that I am working on keeping the family unit together. I didn't say this last part to D6, of course, but I could see WW looking surprised that I contacted teacher. After dinner and before kids bed, D11 decides that she wants to hear the "Charlie Brown Christmas" music cd, then we are both on the piano trying to learn the one song that I know everyone here knows. We are having fun and actually doing pretty good. I know that WW is just taking it all in.

Kids in bed, I lay on the bed and start going through a bag of old family photos. WW shows me a shirt she got from work. I laugh at some photos and show to WW. WW lays down on bed and says time for bed. She is out like a light. I finish looking through and take several out that I will keep for myself. I see shirt back in living room on top of her purse. She should have hung it up. She trying to set me up? Not going to fall for it if she is.

[hopeful4her]

CBK, I missed your post. That sounds like a plan. Man, you do travel alot. I know people keep telling you that the time away is good. I don't think they realize that it is constant, and that you think that it is part of the problem.

[CBK]

Exactly - I have an opportunity that could take me away only 3 nights a week unles W wants to move, and that isn't happening! I got totally absorbed in my work, and now making some 180's there.

CBK

[hopeful4her]

I thought WW was going to be off today. She got ready for work as usual. I hope she is going to work. I woke WW up and started on breakfast. I let her wake the kids today. I think she has been missing doing that. I started on lunches and decided to have tuna sandwich today. I know she likes tuna, so I ask her if she wants lunch. A quick no. She must have plans. Oh well. Kids are off and she takes a shower. She comes out and tells me to go take mine. I barely take my bread out and leave it on the counter. I come out thinking she might have made my lunch or at least my sandwich, but no. She did prepare my coffee for me, though. I'll take that. After her smoke, WW joins me on sofa. A little small talk

Last night I mention doing something this Saturday. Like a state park or something for the day. Maybe hiking. She told me to make the plans, but an odd look on her face. Like I guess so. Maybe she was making plans for Saturday for herself. Maybe she thinks I am trying too hard. Dunno. This morning I mention maybe a day trip to the coast. Same look. She says if I want to. She mentions it will be hot. She asks me if I'm ready to leave and we are out the door. I follow her to her car. I want to give her a kiss goodbye, but at the last minute decide against. I have already followed her to her car and she turns to look at me like, why am I behind her and not walking to my car. I make up something and tell her that I will try to get off work early, but I doubt it. I felt stupid. I tell her to have a "dia fantastico" and as we leave, she rolls down her window and asks me if I want any cigarette. I mouth to her, trying to quit.

In town, we are at the stop light and I pull up next to her. I look her and bite my fist like I'm having withdrawls. I am purposely trying to be funny. She sees me and puffs her cig hard and blows smoke toward me. I laugh. She offers to throw a cig through the passenger window to me and I give the no sign.

I take off and head on my way to work.

I want to go to lunch with someone. Maybe I'll call the woman I hung out with at the carnival. I don't know if I am just feeling lonely or vindictive or both.

[CBK]

Careful H4H - lot's of pursuing going on. If you want to go to a park or the coast with the kids, great, go do it, even if the W doesn't want to go, do this for yourself - remember GAL.

Be careful on starting an "innocent" lunch date - remember what we told DBD or somebody today. Is this really where you are? Stop, think and breathe.

CBK

[hopeful4her]

Tell me what looks like pursuing. I don't want to be doing this, and I probably don't see it. Acts of kindness, friendliness, and acts of service is what I am shooting for. The kissing on the cheek or hugs isn't going to happen for a while.

Got invited to lunch by a business partner of the bank. She, I and another person went for chinese. Good to get out. I usually just eat lunch at my branch or go drive around and smoke. Went on some cold calls with her. Known each other for a few years. WW has shown some jealousy towards her before as we have a great working relationship. That is it.

Just got a call from B. Now I know that WW is jealous of her. She called just to tell me that she had just gotten a new car and was was getting a tint job. Talked a bit and she told me that the next time she is out for drinks, she'll call me. She says maybe tonite. I say ok. I don't want to put myself in any odd situations. But man, it is hard.

Stopping to think and breath, and imagine. I will remain strong...

I hope.

[CBK]

H4H - I just boarded a plane, but will get to you post later tonight or first thing tomorrow morning.

Be strong, we can be strong. Keep tabs on each other - neither of us are models of DBing, but stay tough

CBK

[hopeful4her]

Just my normal weird feeling day. I have one at least once a week, it seems. I find it interesting the B decided to call me today. We talked about our weekend and she was supposed to go to the carnival, but never made it.

I imagine that this is what happens to WW. Maybe she has her days of straight thinking, but OM keeps pursuing. It makes me feel better to think of it this way. I know that it is the devil that throws temptations her way and she is unable to stand strong. He is obviously doing the same to me. Throwing temptation at me to get me to fold. WW just felt like something was missing in our R that led her down her path.

Our path is different. We have been told many bad things about ourselves, lied to, hurt, have had intimacy purposely withheld from us and on and on. It is like I am feeling the weakness that I despise in WW.

Just have to go home and get to my kids. I was going to linger around hoping to get a call from B, but no.

Keep the high road and be the man of conviction that I am.

[whatdidido]

Tell me what looks like pursuing.

THe asking her to come with you this weekend. The following her to the car. The biting of the hand (even though it was to be funny).

Be very careful with B. You are very right that she is jealous, and you are very right that this is what happened with her. She felt the same way you did with her OM at one time...waiting for the phone call and feeling great that someone was pursuing her, etc. Then, she crossed the line. Once you cross the line it feels so hard to go back. I had said many times that God gave me a test and I failed miserably, and was a weak woman. I never thought I would do this...not in a million years. I was the good, Catholic girl that was called a "goody goody" in most of my school years, had sex ONCE before marriage, and didn't live with spouse before marriage. My H trusted me completely and never thought I would have an A. Temptation can happen to ANYONE. NOt to mention, if she thinks there is something "going on" whether there is or not, she may think "seeee...he is starting to see that he isn't as happy as he could be, a D is better for both of us."