H is Having Affair after all - Part 2

[25yearsmlc]

THe WAS spends a lot of time revising marital history. A lot. Sometimes you can just say you don't recall it that way,and or that you'd do SOME things differently if you could, and then move on. Even marriages with 2 people working hard at the M rarely recall the events or their causes, the same way. Very rarely. If it's a really important issue that he has revised, you should say something to the effect of "Wow, I don't recall it that way at all...." and that is not the same as arguing. It's just being truthful, and calm, and Not validating his revision.

Also, your recall and his vary NOW but when he stops the revising, and justifying, some of the memories you have in common will surface, if you let them. DOn't "correct" his perception. Ignore it, or say something that JJ suggested or the above.

In the end, what matters is NOT that you agree on the PAST, but that you agree on the future of the M, and how to achieve it. The only way that can truly happen, is through mutual forgiveness.
j-