Any Regrets???

[Snow White]

Ok I am only 4 months in, 5 months(to my knowledge) from the start of the A.


I actually wrote a list of things I wondered...the other night and many of them were about different things I did and if I had changed anything how things would have turned out differently. I am not sure anything woudl have made things better, or worse but you never know.

The first day I discovered the EA I drove to my H's store to confront him and OW. He met me in the parking lot and asked me not to go inside but to go home and talk to him(listen to his denials). I wonder if I went in and the other employees(and manager) were exposed to the situation if things would have gone differently(they did not know at this point)H and OW worked together for another 5 weeks following this while he was "working on our marriage and going to counselling".


OW had a boyfriend (father of her child)that she lived with. The way the situation was explained to me was he was abusive. H was her friend trying to help her get the confidence to leave and someone she talked to in whispers hiding from her boyfriend. I did not expose to him because I did not want to be responsible for her or her child getting hurt. Now I wonder if I had of exposed immediately and she was actually afraid of him if the contact that went on for the 6 weeks between then and the time she moved out would ended.

I read DB and decided to stop pursuing, to stop calling, to stop controlling. All good yes. But did H just take advantage? All of a sudden he who in the past went out a few times a week for hockey or golf, (and 0 times a week during the EA) was going out 4 or 5 times a week, no rules for H, was he continuing his A? Probably not at first she was still living in her dungeon with the big bad boyfriend, but later maybe. I still don't know. I do know that he all of a sudden seems to think prior to this he "was never allowed to go out" and does not want to go back to that.

I finally exposed, to his family, who exposed to his friends. Again, was it a good idea? I think the timing was the worst part. If I had done it in Jan it may have been different. I did it 4 months into this struggle. But I did it at a point where I did not really(and still don't) even know what was going on, I had actually perceived progress. Following this H moved out. Did he want to move out all along but was afraid for people to know?

All of these things I don't know whether the outcome would have been better or even worse if I did everything different. What I can say I know for a fact that I have done poorly is maintain any consistency.

I need to pick a plan and stick to it, if it is acting "as if" it is acting "as if", if it is LRT, it is LRT. I am back and forth which I think adds to the confusion of everyone including myself.