Finding DB late in the game #4

[cw68]

Journaling: just got back from my T appointment. While in many ways I don't think therapy is helping me personally, it is helping me in my relationship. She came up with a couple really good nuggets for me today. The first one was where she said something about my H being insecure, to which I replied that I didn't think insecurity is one of my H's problems, that he's very secure and confident. She said emotionally he's not and since he's such an achiever it probably really, really, really bothers him that he doesn't know what he wants, that he doesn't trust what he's feeling. Probably one reason why he doesn't want to get physical with me because the obvious connection we have in that department just confuses him. She also said that I have to stop telling him what he thinks, what he should feel, even though she thinks I really do understand him. It just makes him feel that less confident and super irritated that I can tell him what he's "supposed" to feel. She's right. I do do that and I never saw my H with any lack of confidence, but it's so clear now.

She also said that I have to clam it and let my actions so my changes, my feelings. When I told her I told my H that maybe he needed to see what it would be like to lose me, to lose our family unit she said, "Stop. Don't say these things. Either do it or don't, but let your actions speak for themselves."

She's pegged me as an over-thinker, an over-analyzer, a planner. She's right. I have to learn to let a lot of this go if my H and I are ever going to get a better R.

She was very proud that I told my H our old marriage was dead, thought that that was not only excellent on my part that I could realize that, but telling him that was a very good move. Thanks DB!