We are on a downward spiral

[Bagheera]

All foreplay is devoted to me arousing her, she does not touch me at all. I would be interested to hear opinions on that!

Gracious, Near -- it hurts me just to read this. You have my sincere sympathy (and empathy), and I honestly can't see how you've been able to stay with the relationship as long as you have.

I've thought from the beginning that your wife needs some serious therapy: couples, but in particular, sex therapy. She seems to be stuck in a "good Christian girls don't" mode, and has no clue how utterly important a good, healthy sexual relationship is to having a good, healthy marital relationship.

The problem you face, of course, is how to persuade her to go to counseling with you. You can use the Carrot, Stick, or some combination of the two, but she's going to have to realize that as soon as the last kid leaves the house, your marriage is done, if, IF you can stick it out that long. I thought that I could, and my plan was to end the marriage when my own last kid left the house, but middle age and an MLC changed my own mind on that issue.

I don't know what it will take to wake her up and get her to work with you: it's sort of what we've been talking about all along in this thread. I remember all to well the level of frustration, anger, and hopelessness you are experiencing, with the most painful part being the knowledge that the person who is supposed to understand you better than anyone else can take something which to you is sacred, deeply emotional, and an expression of your heartfelt love for her, and rub it in your face: calling it a sinful, perverted, animalistic urge. On her current course, she won't understand the error of this attitude until it is too late, if then.

Take care, my friend.

Bagheera