Pregnant and heading for acceptance #2

[blindsided1]

Good morning everyone. Yesterday was a busy day. I hadn't talked to H since Sat. The childbirth classe started last night and H showed up. It was fine. We had to introduce ourselves and tell who we were, etc. I stood and said "Hi, I'm so and so and this is my HUSBAND so and so". I wonder if it was weird for him to hear me say that. It was kind of weird to say it. What I wanted to say is "this is my H who walked out on me to be with OW when I was 6 weeks pregnant". But, I didn't. If I had he would have left. But, I must say it crossed my mind. The class was pretty boring for H because it was a lot of anatomy stuff. I could tell he was getting tired and bored. But, he was a trooper. At the end we had to listen to a relaxation tape. He kept making me giggle because it really was kind of hokey. We left and spent some time talking in the parking lot. When we parted he gave me an awkward hug. It just felt really distant and odd. I don't know if he is to the place where I am just a distant memory and he really has NO feelings whatsoever for me or he just didn't know what to do at that moment. Up until last night he always kissed me goodbye. Maybe it was because we haven't seen each other in about a month. But, whatever it was it hurt. It felt wrong and totally unatural, at least to me. I guess this is the natural progression of letting go and he seems to be letting go of me just fine. So, now I'm just trying to deal with it. I really don't see any hope for us anymore. I just feel like his feelings, whatever he had left for me, have faded away. Unfortunately, mine have not. There have been times when I have asked God to please let me stop loving him that way. I know it's sad, but I can't handle know he doesn't love me and that he loves someone else.