Hello everyone,
I have not posted much, but have tapped into a lot of wisdom on these boards.

Here is my situation: Separated since 9/07, married 30 years next month, D20 and S17--both away at school, I'm living alone on our small farm, H had midlife crisis/depression--but not on medication.

Anyway, I have divorce-busted, GALed, and actually found some peace as a result. H has continued to stay in touch, significantly helped out at the homeplace, but has been extremely unhappy, even desperately unhappy at times. However, he seems to have given up on the idea that a different woman (or several) is the answer to his unhappiness, and is making some real efforts at personal growth (mindfulness, radical acceptance, power of now, etc.)

We are going to counseling this afternoon with this specific question: Our friends' daughter is getting married in Costa Rica next month. Back in February, H wanted to go, we bought tickets, and then a month later he backed out, has "dated" other women, just hasn't quite committed to piecing.

Now he says "if" we can work it out, he "wants to try."

He has changed his mind so many times that I think that it is too early for us to take an 11 day trip together. I told him that it is not that I don't want to go with him, just that it seems too early for that much togetherness. I suggested that we could discuss it with the MC we were seeing before H moved out. (I stopped MC, because H seemed determined to move out, and it was just making him say meaner and meaner things to justify himself.)

The big Q: Today, in counseling, can I be truthful about how hurt I have been by all of this, and tell him that if he is really ready to commit, we can go?

I can't imagine going together if he is not ready to commit. At this point I am planning to go alone and have a good time (I am supposed to meet some friends of friends at a remote surfing location, and try to learn to surf!)

I wonder if it is productive to calmly be truthful about the heartbreak, and what it would take to heal. Or is it still too early? Or is it never OK, because it puts so much pressure on him?

Please advise--I have not felt such an emotional upwelling in a really long time, and I am trying to be wise, kind, but honest.