Whats New Pussycat?

[KarenMarieS]

ahh Lissie
Thank you, you are so sweet!

I'm kinda mad - S just told me his dad didnt call him today. Yes he did text, on his way to work a very simple "happy birthday" even his uncle texted him a more heartfelt message.

His GF said to him, I dont think I like your dad very much.
I could tell S was hurt, when friends and even ex gf can text or call , and your own father cant? no card, no call? whats his problem?

I suppose ex may think because he sent S some money to help pay for his last months' rent last week and yes appreciated, but isnt a parent suppose to be there also for emotional support? To call and say happy birthday or good luck on your finals??

I am convined ex will never ever change- and its too bad it effects his S. Maybe one day it wont.

[ALL6785]

Hi Karen

I hate to be the devil’s advocate here but from what I’ve seen you are probably right and your son will forever be affected. As I grew up I can think of some friends I had that came from 2 broken families in particular. I hung out with several brothers from both families and actually I still do to this day. In one case the mom walked out and in the other case the dad walked out. In both cases the lines were drawn and the guys I hang out with took sides with the LBS. Now almost 30 years later those lines are as clear as ever and some of these guys are nearly 50 years old. There have been a few isolated victories where a truce has been made with siblings that took the other side but for the most part the lines are still drawn and not crossed.

I’m sure there are exceptions but it most likely takes an effort on the part of the parent to make amends. I don’t see my EX doing that with S17 anytime soon. She seems to think he will just “wake up” one day. I think she needs to take the initiative and make peace if she wants to have a relationship with her son and the longer she waits, the harder it’s going to get. It’s sad but for what it’s worth, that’s what I see.

[sadeyez]

I am convined ex will never ever change- and its too bad it effects his S. Maybe one day it wont.

You already know what I think of your dumb a$$ ex, WB. Words just can't describe it. This is his only child and he can't make the effort...he's such a loser! But then we already knew that, didn't we? The only good thing is you have your kid! And what a great kid he is!

love you, WB!

SE

[KarenMarieS]

Hey Miss WB!
Hope you had a great birthday! oh who am i foolin , I know you did , you told me lol
Do you feel any older??
thanks for your support when i'm whinnin, its nice to know I have my WB to listen to me

[KarenMarieS]

hate to be the devil’s advocate here but from what I’ve seen you are probably right and your son will forever be

Hey All!
Ya know you are right and its ironic as B and I were talking about this the other day, his B who is dying has a very difficult R with one of his sons, who has never totally forgiven his dad for leaving, although he didnt leave for an OW, it was bascially because of the turmoil with him and his ex, and the drinking they both had a prob with. Even now as he is dying the oldest S, came to visit, stayed less then 24 hrs , said his goodbyes and left, while the younger S, seems to have forgiven his dad and is there staying w/ him, taking care of him.

I suppose it all depends on personalities and how much you want the R w/ the parent.

I think S will also forgive his dad for not calling, prolly not the end of the world, but i do believe my ex is digging his own grave when it comes to doing permanent damage to their R.

Thanks for stopping by All
I've been bad at visiting threads this week, lots going on.
I need to spend some time and catch up

Have a great Thurs!!

[BethM]

Man K,

He's such a jerk! I have absolutely no idea what K's thinking. I still believe that to a certain extent he is jealous of his own son. I know it's a really sad thought but let's face it, Ry's just starting and he has his whole life ahead of him and K probably thinks that Ry has had opportunities that he never had. He must have lots of regrets.

I'm sure that he loves him in his own way, but he has a really hard time of patting Ry on the back and showing him. We can't even begin to know how this makes our kids feel. They probably only tell what they can talk about and internalize the rest.

Love,
Bethie

[BarbieDoll]

Hey K,

OK, it's unanimous - K is a JERK! Right in there with Chuckie. I have a theory about it, though. I think they don't always call on special days (Chuck NEVER does) because they fear rejection. Because the guilt takes hold. And yes - even when they PRETEND there is no guilt, there is HUGE guilt.

Take Ashley's birthday for example. As she sat on the couch opening gifts from her grandfather, brother and I, her dad DID call (most unusual). She glanced at the call display and said "What does he want?". I told her she should answer it as he was likely calling to wish her HB. Her reply "Well, that would be a first. No, he can leave a message".

My point is that the bad behaviour creates patterns and builds walls. Then they don't always know how to act. No excuse, just my thoughts on this and a possible explanation. They know they are "Black Listed" by the rest of the family who ARE involved and sometimes just avoid getting into it.

Good thing Ry is so well loved by the rest of you. Never takes the place of a Loser Dad but hopefully he is stronger for it. I know my kids are.

Have a great day Cali bud!

Love Barb

[KarenMarieS]

Hey Barb and Bethie!

You guys are so great, I love that there is always someone who can relate or give some advice about the crapola we go thru w/ our exs! Seems someone has sadly been thru something similar always!

I do think after the convo I had w/ ex a few weeks ago, Bethie you are right, jealous! or envious. Gotta be, isnt that the whole premise of mlc, to want to relive our youth??

Very intersting about Ash not answering her dads call Barb, I so see how it can become a catch 22 on both their parts. Its funny too Ry told me that a lot of times when he finally calls his dad back, they go on for about 5 mins on why he dosnt call back sooner!! Ry feels like saying Just get on with what you called for already!
Honestly!!

Have a great night/and or day lol my Canadian bud!
Hope the weather is nice for both of ya alls
We've had some dreary days but clearing up now!

[KarenMarieS]

always call on special days (Chuck NEVER does) because they fear rejection

Ohhh and this too Barb, K never calls Ry on Christmas! its always days after and /or days before. Hmmmm very interesting indeed

[KarenMarieS]

Whewww! Almost on page 3, that was close!

Hows everyone??
Hope the women had a wonderful Moms day. Mine was very nice
B and I went to this great antique place in town and I found yet another childhood doll , B bought me! Love her! Then had my folks over for dinner and S was home to be w/ his mommy so that made it all perfect

Leaving Thurs for my sisters, spending the night there as its a bit closer to S college as we have to be in L.A at 8:00 am for the cememony ommmggg If you have never driven in or near Los Angeles at rush hour, well, let me just say HELPPP!!!
We decided to rent a van! so all the fam is going together, my Bro will drive us. Parking will be he!! and $$ so its best for us all to jump in one car.

Then back to their house for a nice lunch -
That weekend my sisters schools auction is taking place at the Disneyland Hotel, so B and I wil be back in that area Sat. , do Disneyland w/ the family Sunday , stay over and maybe hit the beach Mon.
Phewww! Anyone wanna come babysit a fiesty but lovable kitty??

Bs brothers CA get together ( isnt quite a memoral as that is in AZ) will be Sun. so B is going to drive all the way back from the D.land hotel to L.A to attend that for an hour then back to join us at D.land, I told him we or he didnt need to do D.land but he insisted he made a committment and wants to be w/ my family to celebrate. He is so the opposite of my ex that its almost scary! Unselfish and dedicated with a sense of responsibility, amazing!! I sure do love him

Ok time to feed my kitkat, who , btw, Barb, I have come to just adore! We have finally learned to live together! and she snuggles w/ me.... she also still attacks my toes, so still some issues lol

If I dont get back on, have a great week everyone!
Hope all your problems are small