Changing myself for myself

[Firekeeper]

i am successfully seducing my h

he came to the bed this morning asking for us to start all over. my answer was the same - 1st things 1st : "no ow". he started to say that even if ow is not in a picture he can't give guarantees if in a year or 6 mo he would be again disillusioned in our r. he said that there are other w that he feels attracted. i said that ow needs to be out of the picture and then we talk.

actually later i started to be caught in some crazy talk about his gripes from the past but was able to stop myself and recover fast. saying that now i am talking only about the present and when ow is out we can talk about the past but only w/ 3d person (mc)in the room

he complained that the house is not immacular. i asked him for details and acknowledged that there are some dust in the corners. it was important because before i would start to be defensive and he would interpret it that we have different understanding of what is clean mean. i made sure that he got it that i agreed w/him about the dirt and at the same time it is not my priority to make it perfect. so he either can do it himself or... he wondered if we can hire a cleaning lady

he asked for a kiss several times. i am inventing the ways to refuse respectfully.

as i analyze the interactions i see that i always hyper vigilant - there is a fear to say no to him, to make him angry. hx of dv is still ingraved