CBK - Yes, I am not losing my kids, this is what also my parents and W keep telling me.... unfortunately I am the child of a divorced family, and my experience wasn't that positive, I am afraid of the story repeating itself... Both my parents, remarried, and rebuild their lives and 2 new families. I don't feel I have 2 families though, or a large family, instead I ended up thinking I had none - those "new" families weren't MY family.
But the difference is in your sitch that if you get divorced you have already been through that experience and I'm sure will work very hard to make sure it doesn't happen to your kids! My relationship with my kids was always good, but is twice as strong b/c they are starting to realize what kind of person their dad is and see me as their stability or parent they can count on. And you will be that for your kids I'm sure!
You need to not feel so bad when rejected by your W. It is about them and I've read WAS are usually self-centered, selfish, narcissistic or whatever. I think a lot of the spouses I read about on here also are going through MLC as well (and I suspect mine as well). They are the ones that are messed up and not us! No we may not have been perfect & aren't perfect now (just like everyone else), but as you say that doesn't justify or rationalize your W's bad behavior.
I also firmly believe that most affairs end b/c the OP is dysfunctional and not a healthy, well-adjusted person. I think it is something like 90% of affairs don't work out. I think if the OP was healthy and well-adjusted they would not be having affairs with married people with kids!!! Karen
Karen yes - I am not going to behave as my father did - that for sure. I know I am a reference for them, specially my S.
WOW - while I was ranting to W - Not very DB:( - she told me that while she is never ever going to come back with me, she is actually leaving OM and she decided she wants to stay alone(?)..... I don't know what to believe.... or what to think.... now I do feel so stupid about my ranting... anyway.... trouble in paradise.. a good news.
ROP - my wife is starting to detach from OM as well. OM is in counseling with his W - and my W said the exact same thing! There is still now us! Argghhhh. I do see this as a positive in a bizarre way...
CBK
M=46 W=47 M=24 (together 26) D21, S19 Bomb 3/16/08 OM 3/28/08 WAW moved out 5/16 Divorce final 10/09
So.... the thing my W decided to stay alone? It turned out is total BS, dah... (normal ups and downs of a new R.... she said)I should just stop to think about it - at the end is going to be what is going to be. Today I enjoyed the day with D. W picked her up an hour late...... typical. She tried to make some conversation, but I am so not in the mood, so I didn't follow up and cut short. I don't even know anymore if this is what I am suppose to do.... for sure I am detaching.... but not "lovingly" detaching. I noticed that less I talk to her better I feel, so I go this way. I am also thinking that maybe I should start dating somebody, not that I want to start a new relation, but I do need some self esteem boost. I also feel that SHE is dating somebody, so I also want to make it even. I know it is childish, but I think it would sooth the pain a bit. I hate to think that OM is going in MY home, is sitting on MY couch, eating on MY table, sleeping in MY bed.
ROP - Glad to see you back on, I was worried about you.
Sounds like a lot is going on. Remember, this is a roller coaster, you need to be doing this for yourself, not her. I am not the model her, but have gotten a lot of good advice from my fellow posters. Detaching is good and sounds like you are doing it, I am not sure how to "lovingly" detach as I can't even detach, but am trying.
Don't get vindictive, don't date to get even, that is the last thing you should do. I had the same feelings about the OM, but you cannot change her, only yourself and hopefully she will come out of the fog. If she doesn't, you will be a happier person as will your kids. Self-esteem doesn't come in a one-night stand, it comes from who you are. I think I told you or posted somewhere, when this is all done, I will have my dignity no matter what. I will fight until the papers are signed, and I may continue after that. These are choices we make. Keep you mind off of OM - if OM is a deal breaker, that is something you will have to face and others will give you great advice. We have chose a road that is rocky, bumby, hilly and with huge pot holes - we may get our M and R back - only God knows that - but remember, YOU and your KIDS are the most important things in your life right now.
I hope this helps. I will be back in town next week, let's grab that beer! I work close to the airport - let's plan on somehting.
CBK
M=46 W=47 M=24 (together 26) D21, S19 Bomb 3/16/08 OM 3/28/08 WAW moved out 5/16 Divorce final 10/09
rop, I agree with CBK. I know what you mean about seeing someone else. I have had some women contact me that know my sitch that are getting very friendly. WW know them both, but one in particular has kind of gotten to WW. I'm not dating, but have gone to lunch and a night out with her and other friends. Its nice to have the conversation and to be among women that find you interesting. But I know what I want and it is not her. It is WW. As CBK says, I will take the high road and know that I will keep my dignity. Stay strong, and plan on having a brew for me, guys.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
Thank you guys, you are my best friends in this. I have been out of town, in Santa Barbara, for few days, seeing old friends, getting some new working projects, dealing with stuff that is part of being a better me, or more precisely my old self. It was very good and I love that place! I also got some family in town, taking care of me and spoiling me a bit - this is also was very good, I needed that. About my sitch I am totally exhausted, I see you guys are so much stronger then me, you are a big reference. If it wasn't for the kids I would be done, I can only take so much pain. In the last few days I have been detached a lot - W has been calling me a bit more and trying to be nice, trying to be a "friend" and make conversation. My message was clear and true, as long as there is another man in her life I am NOT going to be her friend or whatever. She asked me if I expect for her to be single for the rest of her life, I said yes..... she said I was cute..... I am done with the talking. I agree with you guys on this: nobody can take away my integrity.
Glad you had a chance to get to Santa Barbara - I too love that area. Very peaceful if you will. Can understand about family as well, my parents are coming up this weekend, looking forward to it!
I can see you are totally exhausted with the sitc. If you are like me, then you are not sleeping - so both mentally and phsycally, you are beat.
You have every right to set boundaries, there is nothing wrong with that. I am sure this will help you detach.
Stay well,
CBK
M=46 W=47 M=24 (together 26) D21, S19 Bomb 3/16/08 OM 3/28/08 WAW moved out 5/16 Divorce final 10/09
rop, it always seems to be easier to be stronger for someone else that for yourself. That's how I feel. Some days I feel so down. Work suffering. As close to obsession as it gets, I guess. I hate it. I bet CBK feels the same. Offering advise and wondering why the hell cant we take our own advise.
Blessings to you.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
My relationship with my kids was always good, but is twice as strong b/c they are starting to realize what kind of person their dad is and see me as their stability or parent they can count on. And you will be that for your kids I'm sure! 
Karen