Real life's getting more like fiction each day....

[MichelleLT]

Sorry if I'm going over old territory, but 1) if something does happen, you will get news because you are his wife; 2) maybe some WOA saying it's good to go out with friends and relax (maybe even go so far as to encourage it - it would be a big 180 and would make it "safe" for him to talk to you).

Just set a goal of one/two weeks of not calling/texting if he is late - OR if you do TM him with "have fun!" It's worth a try.

[klm]

Michelle is giving you some good advice Sara. What you are doing isn't working...so do something different.

[JeffSTL]

Hey (((SARA)))

Starshyne: Is he dead on the side of the road? My mind would be at ease if he would just call and say "Sara, I am going to be out at a bar tonight."

I don't know how I stopped worrying, This use to drive me nuts, where is she at ??? it took a long time to get over this, W has come home twice in the last 2 years from a car accidents at like 2:00am, not hurt, but costly to our insurance premium.

I do think of you Sara, and I keep checking up on your post, I thought there for awhile, things were looking up for you. Most people her are trying to detach from H or W and are working on themselves. Ae you doing anything special for yourself ??

Funny "nagging" read somewhere that if your W is still nagging you, your M is still in good shape, my W complains all the time, about this person or that person, she doesn't nag me about hardly anything.

M45
W41
M10 years
D9, D6, D6, S5
OM confirmed 12/07 Merry christmas to me
PA confirmed 03/08 not intercourse yet ??
W moving out June 1 already signed lease on apartment

[Starshyne]

I don't know why H bothered to leave me the note about him working when he hasn't came home. I called him once, there was no answer and I left it at that. No texting, no voice mail messages...not too bad.

Yeah, I do a lot of things for myself. Mostly things I like to do around the house (work on my webpage, watch movies I enjoy, work on lesson plans). I have plans to get my hair done and have dinner with my mom on Thursday. I know that the GAL stuff is supposed to help and it does to a certain extent. But at the end of the day I still have to come home to a missing husband.

I know it will take me a long time to get over the worrying. The first time he did this, back in December, I was up all night throwing up because I was so worried. At least I don't feel that bad. But my heart is racing and I feel really anxious.

As stupid as this sounds, when he is here with me, things are good. We are friends. We laugh together and joke together. I enjoy his company and I believe he enjoys mine.

I just have trouble with a 37 year old staying out until 2am on a Tuesday night. It doesn't seem responsible or wise. Maybe it is because I grew up with a mom telling me that "nothing good can happen after 11pm."

Well I am going to get ready for bed and try to make myself sleep. I will just sort of doze until I hear the click of the door and know he is home. If I take sleeping pills I have a lot of trouble waking up in the morning.

What a life....

Sara

[MichelleLT]

Sara, don't know how you feel about over the counter drugs. But half a tylenol PM (a whole one leaves me groggy, but half is perfect) or a GABA based herbal sleep aid (no grogginess for me) does wonders for me. Any certified organic, reputable herbal remedy that says "sleep aid" or "sound sleep" is going to contain probably GABA and kava kava which are great for letting you get to sleep and wake up rested.

Especially with all the stress you have going on a good night's sleep is a must.

No more calls or TMs unless the voicemail/TM says "have fun". Otherwise, just leave it be. I know it's hard, been there, done that. I even called the OW to see if he was with her, just to know if he was okay. He wasn't, it didn't fix anything, it only annoyed him - proof that I'm a controlling b!tch.

((((((Sara))))))

[kat727]

You could also try Melatonin. Take one about an hour to 1/2 hour before you got to bed. I just started taking it and so far so good. It is in the vitamin aisle.
kat

[CBK]

Sarah,

I take melatonin as well - when I know it will be a bad night, I do have Ambien from my doctor. One thing my DB coach said, you have to be mentally and physically strong to get past this. I laughed as said mentally strong, I am a chip shot away from crazy right now!

Take care of yourself. I will keep you in my prayers.

One thing my W and I did a long time ago was put in ICE into our cell phones - ICE stands for In Case of Emergency - that way, if something happens to either of us, officials know to go to the ICE number in your phone. You should at least ask your H to do this and you do this as well. It is a huge peace of mind. My mom was a dispatcher at a fire department and told us about this.

Sleep well.

CBK

[MichelleLT]

Melatonin is also good although I haven't tried it myself.

My cell phone has "home" "husband" "mom" and "dad" instead of names. This makes it very easy for emergency personnel to notify family if something were to happen.

Regardless, if he was ever checked into a hospital, they would find you. So, sometimes no new IS good news.

[cw68]

I, too, have ICE in my phone, with home/mobile/work as part of it. Since I'm with the kids most nights and am the only adult in the house, I can't take anything to help me sleep, but the nights I am at the apartment I take Ambien so I have at least five good sleeps out of every fourteen nights. It has made a big difference.

[CBK]

CW Melatonin can be bought at Trader Joe's. It is natural and I wake up when needed. Just a thought.

CBK