For the guy with kids and WW II

[karen43]

I keep wanting to spout a short one off, but never seem to get one in at an opportune time. Most times, when I want to, it feels out of place. I'm sure it is just me. I do so many stupid things concerning DB. I have terrible timing.

I've been reading your threads and I think you are doing a great job. You sound like a wonderful H, and I hate to see you feeling that you are doing stupid things and talking badly about yourself. I mean none of us here are perfect, except maybe Puppy of course! , and I think you just try to do the best you can. I think we need to be nicer on ourselves, when we are strong, caring, loving (fill in a few more positive adjectives), yet sometimes we beat ourselves up when our WAS are the ones that are making the bad choices and doing things they shouldn't. Karen

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Who, me??? I'm a knucklehead, who's just trying to help others not to make the same mistakes I did!

[hopeful4her]

Thank you for the pat on the back, Karen. Sometimes we get so caught up in things that it is hard to see.

Sideswiped, I couldn't imagine how hard it is to have your spouse not be home. But maybe there are two schools of thought. It may be easier to GAL and detach when spouse not home, anymore. When spouse is home, you are constantly reminded of your sitch and you can't show anything. And then acting normal and conversing and always thinking in the back of your mind how they are giving themselves to someone else, whether physically or emotionally. Still laying in bed with each other. Constantly smelling her. Seeing how good of a mother she is.

But just below the surface, you know the alien is underneath it all. Is she just doing things to get her ducks in a row. Just stringing you along. A constant mind battle.

It may be harder to connect with a spouse who is no longer home, but it is really hard to be thinking that you are connecting, but your not, when they are still home. In my sitch, my WW is not mean like some others that I read about here. She will not walk away from her kids. Some of the women here take a lot of s**t from thier spouses. It's hard to read about. I don't post a comment because I don't know what to say. It makes me greatful. I also see alot of guys taking alot of the same. Sometimes I just want to say to some people, "F that, you don't have to take that verbal abuse. Are they really worth it? You are better off. Divorce their ass."

But love is a funny thing and makes us do stupid things.

Things may look different from the outside concerning my sitch, but from the inside, I feel close to hopeless. I feel like I am in a dream that I can't wake up from. Like I'm in a fog as much as she is. I thought Jeff's sitch was hopefull and then whammo. It is still not hopeless, I know. There is always hope. But to have your W want to give up the kids willingly. On the one side, to me he is lucky. I should have it so easy. On the other, who wants to be with a woman like that. Sorry Jeff, I know you love her but... Words can't even describe.

[hopeful4her]

Not a bad day, today. WW called my cell (for some reason, she has only been calling my work phone during the work week and that is hardly at all nowadays) and asked about additional groceries. I told her I was thinking about going myself. She told me she might as well as it is across the street from her work. We discuss a few items we need and talk a tiny bit, then she has to go help a client.

At home, I begin dinner. I call WW and she is at store already (I can hear the commotion) and remind her of a couple more things. We stay on the phone for quite a while as she going down some isles. Longer than I thought she would. We talk about how we never get to eat some of the things we buy because the kids eat it all. She asks if I want a certain flavor frozen fruit popsicle. Later at home, we are putting away groceries and dinner is finished. I did not tell her hello and she did not tell me. I was waiting for her to say it first, but we were not ignoring each other. At dinner, I say grace as we are all holding hands, which is our usual. Family talk and then D11 asks why we never visit Uncle Charles anymore(my brother who's wife cheated on him and left). We say that one of the kids is in college now and the other lives with his mother. She says "They broke up, too. I'm tired of families breaking up." WW says "Just remember we love you very much." D11 walks away from table and says "Yeah, but you make me mad." WW then says, "What, you don't love me anymore. Why, because I am a drama queen like you?" It was all said kind of light hearted and D11 smiled. We continue our dinner and afterwards clean up and I sit down to watch my Spurs. WW brings piles of clothes to sofa and I begin folding. All kids in bed, and WW asks me if I want to finish the movie we started. I say right now, right now? How about later, later(apologies to George Lopez). She says no, after the game. I say if she is up to it, then yeah, sure. At the half, I am putting away the clothes and WW comes into bedroom and tell me that I had better get a frozen pop before they are all gone. She has one. She lays on bed, and I ask how her day went. She talks a bit and starts to close her eyes. I don't think we are going to make it to movie time. At the end of the third quarter, I find WW asleep with her popsicle next to her still in the package. I put it away and cover her with a blanket. I leave her with a rub of her leg. She's out. I should have kissed her on her head. No, I shouldn't have. Games over (maybe we'll win our two at home) and time for bed.

[hopeful4her]

Puppy, you mentioned the prior week that you felt like something was going to happen and then I saw them at lunch together last week. I asked WW why God had led me there. She said so that I could finally realize. It had to be for something else. Still trying to figure it out. Comments?

Last night as I was signing off the computer she rolled over in her sleep and she said "addiction". Do I have her thinking? Am I thinking too much?

This morning, WW was really hard to wake up. We slept a little closer than usual because I decided to try to share the blanket that I covered her with. Woke up kids and went back to wake her up again. Rubbed her back and arm and head. She was sweating and I asked her if she was ok. For at least 8 years, WW has been prone to terrible heat flashes. She is only 33. Up and getting through the morning as usual. I am making lunches for S14 and I. I ask WW as usual and she says she was going to make her self a sandwich. Ok. I am in the kitchen and WW is in bedroom when S14 yells, "Dad, I need a note for yesterday." And then D11 yells, "Dad, I need lunch money." I yell ok to both and go into bedroom. I find WW in closet looking at me funny with a strange smile. I say what? She says sarcastically,"Dad, I need money. Dad, I need a note." I smile and walk out without saying anything. Later, D11 is brushing D6 hair. WW calls from our bathroom for D6 to come and get her hair brushed. I say that D11 is already doing it, but D6 and D11 go to where she is, anyway. A little after that, I see D11 and WW walking around but not D6. I yell to D6 if her hair is brushed. WW is in kitchen and looks at me and gives me the thumbs up sign. I look at her say "what?" WW gives thumbs up again and says "I took care of it. Don't I brush her hair everymorning?" I say "Yes, nearly every morning, but D11 started brushing her hair and I didn't tell her to." Then D11 tells her "Yeah, whats the matter with that?" WW says "nothing."

Later, kids are gone. WW getting ready in room and I am still messing with my lunch. WW comes in and I tell her " I can make your sandwich if you want. I don't mind. I am here anyway." WW starts in with " I didn't say anything. I just came in to get my coffee. What?" I tell her "I am just offering. Dont get mad." She says " Thats fine. Go ahead. I'm not trying to say anything."
She says she forgot her lunch bag at work, and I tell her that I already got her another.

Before we leave, I check on our cars. She tells she has her normal Tuesday meeting today and should get off early and she will then come right home.

She offered the info. She tells me to have a good one, and I tell her the same.

[whatdidido]

"Addiction" because she thinks you are addicted to the computer?

The rest of the post seems like she is just being "civil" and nice to you. I was like that.

[hopeful4her]

No, she never sees me on the computer. She was talking in her sleep.

Sometimes I wish she was mean and ugly to me so that I wouldn't be so confused. Change my feelings for her.

[whatdidido]

SHe doesn't want you to change your feelings for her. She loves you, but is all "fogged out". I'm realizing it more and more every day. I do keep thinking of the OM. But, it isn't him who I want to be with, I just miss the way I felt with him. Now, I just need to "get the feelings" with my H.

[CBK]

Hey H4H,

First, sorry about your spurs last night, I actually stayed awake and watched!

Sounds like a lot of interesting things going on. Remember, don't get your expectations high and take baby steps. I know that if my W was doing that, I would be into full throttle ahead R fixing, and I know that isn't right! Keep up the good fight, you seem to be doing great.

CBK

[JeffSTL]

I thought Jeff's sitch was hopefull and then whammo.

It was a whammo - thanks for the laugh

But to have your W want to give up the kids willingly.
sad for the kids

who wants to be with a woman like that. Sorry Jeff, I know you love her but... Words can't even describe.

I know, just like whatdidido, they are caught up in the A,
I feel once I make it through this summer and W is working fulltime and the kids are with me all week, the reality of what she has done to the family is going to hit her hard

I did get a laugh out of this whammo, I'm going to change my sign off

M45
W41
M10 years
D9, D6, D6, S5
OM confirmed 12/07 Merry christmas to me
PA confirmed 03/08 not intercourse yet ??
WHAMMO - W moving out June 1