Re: the house, unfortunately I cannot afford to stay here by myself. I can't buy him out because his family paid the large deposit on the house and I've signed a document stating if we split up, that money has to go back to his family. And I can't afford to take on the whole house on my salary
I could get a lodger for a bit, but I'm not sure if that would mentally stop me from GAL and moving on-as this was 'our house' and I'm not sure if I could deal with that. Does that sound stupid?? There's a lot to think about and its all such a worry.
My friend did a 6 week mini tour where she did something like USA-Australia-Fiji-Thailand which I think sounds amazing but maybe too much to cram into such a short time?! She loved it though. So many places, so little time!
I did some weeding in the garden today. Sounds like a little thing, but I have never ever touched the garden before! H would always do it. So I was quite proud of myself. And pulling the weeds out was quite therapeutic!
I also started clearing out old paperwork and just generally sorting photos, old cinema and holiday tickets, etc etc today. It was so sad to do, but it needed tidying anyway. I have put stuff that is specifically his in one box, and mine in another. Stuff that is both of ours I put in a seperate pile. Its heartbreaking to relive the memories and I couldnt quite believe I was standing there thinking-this is it. 10 years of a life together and now we're splitting up.
Hey ho, there's nothing I can do about it. As the wise people on here say, I can't control what he feels or thinks, I can only control myself.
Hoping for a good nights sleep tonight! Thanks for reading
Lea xxx
Me-26 H-27 T-10 years M-20 months First bomb-Feb 07 Second bomb-March 08
