It was for espousing "anti-DB principles." And for voluntarily posting their own e-mail addresses. I personally did not see "caustic." I saw some pretty respectful questions asked, and rather than answer them, the mods banned the questioners in some cases.
In any event, water under the bridge. I'm glad we can agree to disagree.
puppy, my mistake, there was a problem with a few posters for their postings. you were referring to something completely different. again my mistake.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
I'm not sure DBing is for me, then. I'd rather walk away with healthy self-respect and my children's respect than to let my H do things that are detrimental to this family and that bring out adverse reactions in me.
That is not what the DB book or techniques are about at all! No where in Michelle's writings does she advocate that a W or a H allow anyone to disrespect them or the children in any way. Instead, she is giving the tools people need in order to save a M and a family. Most of the time, a LBS does all the wrong things that pushes the WAS further away until it is hopeless. That is what she is trying to prevent from happening.
Sometimes a H can get by with the way Puppy has done, but in most cases I have read about, it doesn't work that way......and it most certainly did not work with me. The more my H tried to treat me like his child, the more I rebelled and the closer it pushed me to the OM. I did not even consider myself having an EA until he started treating me like that, and then it jumped into high gear. So, a man better know his wife well and he better know how she will react to his demands on her before he starts treating her like his child instead of an adult. Having EA over the Internet is not a childish act. It is absolutely an adult behavior. Any infidelity is adult actions and needs to be treated as such. I do agree with Puppy that you better if you use his technique.....you better know where your boundaries are.....and your S better know where they are, too. You better know what the consequences will be and they better know. Most of all, be prepared to stick to what you set up. Can you do that? It is risky. I would take another look at the DB way, if I were you.
Puppy knows where I stand. He knows that I agree with him on a lot of things. I am happy for him that his technique worked, but I believe he is either very smart and another Rhett Butler or else his wife is a little .....well, I won't say it b/c it could be offensive. But, if a wife is strong-willed, spunky, stubborn, an adult in her own right and has a mind of her own, or just a plain b*tch.....you might ought to use Michelle's way. Just my opinion.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I'm not sure DBing is for me, then. I'd rather walk away with healthy self-respect and my children's respect than to let my H do things that are detrimental to this family and that bring out adverse reactions in me.
That is not what the DB book or techniques are about at all! No where in Michelle's writings does she advocate that a W or a H allow anyone to disrespect them or the children in any way. Instead, she is giving the tools people need in order to save a M and a family. Most of the time, a LBS does all the wrong things that pushes the WAS further away until it is hopeless. That is what she is trying to prevent from happening.
Sometimes a H can get by with the way Puppy has done, but in most cases I have read about, it doesn't work that way......and it most certainly did not work with me. The more my H tried to treat me like his child, the more I rebelled and the closer it pushed me to the OM. I did not even consider myself having an EA until he started treating me like that, and then it jumped into high gear. So, a man better know his wife well and he better know how she will react to his demands on her before he starts treating her like his child instead of an adult. Having EA over the Internet is not a childish act. It is absolutely an adult behavior. Any infidelity is adult actions and needs to be treated as such. I do agree with Puppy that you better if you use his technique.....you better know where your boundaries are.....and your S better know where they are, too. You better know what the consequences will be and they better know. Most of all, be prepared to stick to what you set up. Can you do that? It is risky. I would take another look at the DB way, if I were you.
Puppy knows where I stand. He knows that I agree with him on a lot of things. I am happy for him that his technique worked, but I believe he is either very smart and another Rhett Butler or else his wife is a little .....well, I won't say it b/c it could be offensive. But, if a wife is strong-willed, spunky, stubborn, an adult in her own right and has a mind of her own, or just a plain b*tch.....you might ought to use Michelle's way. Just my opinion.
Sandi
Sandi,
You obviously don't know Mrs. Puppy. The guy who mentored me thru my sitch has personally worked with over two dozen couples dealing with infidelity, and has studied hundreds of others since 2002. He said my wife was the single most stubborn case he had ever encountered, and yet we busted her affair -- a PA with a strong emotional enmeshment -- inside of three months.
If you think these techniques don't work, I'd encourage you to broaden the books and sites you read. Stronger, pro-exposure methods are still in the minority, but I'd say it's about 40/60, and tens of thousands of marriages have been saved by taking a firm stand.
I'm perplexed as to why laying down (and enforcing) firm boundaries with a spouse is equated to "treating them like a child." Behavior is behavior, and it all has consequences. Wayward spouses' behavior is no different.
What someone has the right to do is way different than what works. What happened in Sandi's case is more often the thing to try first. Setting boundaries.....we pretty much ALL agree, only works if it comes from ACTION, not words. You have to be willing to stick with it, provide consequences, and live with them if they don't go your way.
And if you can't you're better off trying other things first.
Dozens is way different than thousands....which is what Michele has worked with.
Last edited by sgctxok; 05/07/0802:31 AM.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
The guy who mentored me thru my sitch has personally worked with over two dozen couples dealing with infidelity, and has studied hundreds of others since 2002. He said my wife was the single most stubborn case he had ever encountered, and yet we busted her affair -- a PA with a strong emotional enmeshment -- inside of three months.