sometimes the enemy wins a battle, it can be devistating and we can lose a lot in that battle. there comes a time when we need to forget about the battle and focus on the war, which never ends
I don't care what you think, as long as it's about me.
Catfan, I stand by what I said a couple weeks ago. He'll have to come and get me if he wants me because I can't do this anymore. I do appreciate him very much, though. Giving up ain't easy but it is necessary at this stage.
Thanks.
Amy I hear ya, just don't do anything dumb when he's making those very small steps towards you. This little episode is just that, him making a very small step forward.
So be confident, be in-control and be yourself.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
But I disagree that he's taking steps towards me. It's within his comfort zone to do things like that. Lately he sometimes calls after watching a show he knows I'm watching (like Boston Legal) and we'll laugh about scenes then make small talk for a few minutes before hanging up. This is as far as he will ever go, catfan.
But I disagree that he's taking steps towards me. It's within his comfort zone to do things like that. Lately he sometimes calls after watching a show he knows I'm watching (like Boston Legal) and we'll laugh about scenes then make small talk for a few minutes before hanging up. This is as far as he will ever go, catfan.
Amy you once told me, chided me actually, that we first have to be friends again and I shouldn't get upset with little behaviors like this. Sure part of DBing is to be strong and one way is to not engage in idle chit chat. But that's only if you are LRTing. Accept these little nuggets from time to time but not always. You have to appear to be having your own life and not waiting with baited breath. Sorry, no, you must have your own life!
Sure this behavior is in his comfort zone. You have to let him get comfortable so he'll begin take down the walls he's built. Remember he has to do that and all you can do is accept it on his terms. But by at least showing some interest back by accepting these nuggets from time to time you are helping him get more comfortable so he can dismantle the wall.
You know it's going to take time, so the question is how much more time are you willing to give it?
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
I have to say that it seems to me that Amy is operating from an extremely good position.
Maybe not the one she wishes she was in, but a strong one nonetheless.
I sincerely doubt that she would reject any clear movement in a positive direction. At least not right now.
And there's something really good to be said about being able to accept and embrace whatever comes your way, good or bad.
Baby steps is a notion that I don't care much for. Much too hard to assess and is usually assessed incorrectly, leading people to react in ways that hurt rather than help.
I remember my counselor chiding me often about allowing events to simply "be." No great significance. Not necessarily moving them closer or farther away. Simply an event that took place that we either enjoyed or didn't.
That's where Amy seems to be to me right now.
And I think that's a really good place to be.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
But I disagree that he's taking steps towards me. It's within his comfort zone to do things like that. Lately he sometimes calls after watching a show he knows I'm watching (like Boston Legal) and we'll laugh about scenes then make small talk for a few minutes before hanging up. This is as far as he will ever go, catfan.
Amy you once told me, chided me actually, that we first have to be friends again and I shouldn't get upset with little behaviors like this. Sure part of DBing is to be strong and one way is to not engage in idle chit chat. But that's only if you are LRTing. Accept these little nuggets from time to time but not always. I will always accept them and appreciate them catfan. They really are the manifestation of my faith. Just slightly different than I'd wished for. But the fact we are even friends...I see that for the absolute miracle that it already is. You have to appear to be having your own life and not waiting with baited breath. I'm not up for appearances. It is what it is. I am moving forward and I am NO LONGER waiting around with bated breath. Sorry, no, you must have your own life!
Sure this behavior is in his comfort zone. You have to let him get comfortable so he'll begin take down the walls he's built. It has been 2 1/2 years since I began this walk. He has had ample time, ample opportunities. I have been patient, I have cultivated this friendship. He says he loves me. I know in many ways I have earned back his trust. Yet he refuses to GO any further than this. I accept that. I can't change him so I'm changing my course. I will never leave him by himself. I will always be there as long as he will let me. This is breaking my heart but I am at a point where I have to save myself and I have to do it while I am strong. I can't wait til I'm about to self-destruct again. I will not let that happen. Remember he has to do that and all you can do is accept it on his terms. But by at least showing some interest back by accepting these nuggets from time to time you are helping him get more comfortable so he can dismantle the wall.
You know it's going to take time, so the question is how much more time are you willing to give it? I believe I have answered that question. I am no longer actively DBing.
