Things were still tense this morning, and with H's body being sore from sleeping on S12's bedroom floor last night, it only added to this turmoil.
SIL was here this morning to pick up Niece. She slept on the couch for about an hour before waking back up and getting Niece ready for preschool. Anyway, H was on her case and being rude to her, too. All because she didn't want to talk about what's going on with her upcoming D. H is p*ssed because SIL's STBX-H doesn't have to give her anything (SIL earns far more than her STBX-H does and this is the agreement that they have made) whereas should H and I split up, he has to give me half of everything. "It's such BS! F*** this liberal a$$ state! It's so unfair!" WHATEVER, H. Our sitch is ENTIRELY different than theirs, and yes, I understand how he must feel that it sucks for him, but it IS fair.
I often wonder if he thought it was fair of him to go out and have an A, then walk out on his family in the middle of the night. I wonder if he thinks it's fair to talk to me the way that he does and to sometimes behave the way that he does. My guess is he probably does feel justified in this because I made him do it. I control his reactions. Ummmmmm, yeah.
Anyway, SIL was getting pretty irritated with him herself and mumbled to me before she left, "I don't know how you deal with him. I don't blame you if it doesn't work." It's kind of sad, but it also makes me feel better knowing that it's not just me who feels he is impossible.
After picking them up from school yesterday, I had a talk with my two older sons (S12 and S8). I felt a strong need to discuss what was going on with me and their father. I wanted them to know the whole story. I believe they are old enough now to understand. Back when H left, they were only 9 and 5. S12 might have been able to understand back then, but S8 wouldn't have, I don't think. If the time ever came when I wanted to talk to them about what happened, I wanted it to be when I knew they both would be ready.
It was tough. Not just in telling them, but it hurt to hear what they had to say and what they were feeling. My babies are hurting more than I thought.
I will be back later to post more about my talk with them. Children know a LOT more than we think they do.
(((((Thanks again, all)))))
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
