I'm Finally Ready to "Drop the Rope"

[fooled again]

Mike,

Thanks for checking in. Things have been, I guess you could say, confusing. I'm really torn b/w two places in my head and heart and I'm trying to figure out if what my H is saying is sincere. Last weekend we talked alot about us and it was very, very difficult b/c when you take those first steps toward trying to reconcile, it's exactly like they say, all those awful feelings come rushing back at you.

He says he wants to be here and that things will work out. I want so much to believe he's sincere and right, but.... It will take lots of time for this if it's doable, lots of work, lots of talking, lots of going over some pretty painful stuff, painful for both of us. This is really, really hard. Detaching is a good thing - it distances you from the hurt - and it's also much easier than piecing. Reconnecting and piecing force you to open yourself up to the hurt, to face all those feelings you have detached from - they never do go away, not until you finish dealing with them.

So, that's what I've been up to. You could say that it's a good thing being here, but there is so much in my head that I find it hard to write it down. I pop in every now and again to check on you and see how things are going. I hope your W's recovery goes smoothly. She really needs your support, especially feeling that she has lost her beautiful face. Your friendship at a time like this likely means more to her than anything.

I wish you well.
FA