She is still your wife, and until the divorce is finalized, I would tell her that it is a personal boundary for you for her to carry on her sexual dalliances from inside of your home. If she wants, she can go outside in the rain and have phone sex on her cellphone while standing in the yard.
But that's just me. I'm goofy that way.
Puppy
Ok, that cracked me up. That's how I think. I, sadly, would take it a step further and lock the door behind him.
I haven't read the whole thread, but am I to understand that your W still lives in your home and is carrying on like this, waiting for the divorce to be final? See, I don't know and I apologize if this is contradictory to DBing (because I don't have the book yet), but I'm thinking a little tough love is in order. She's living in your home, "connecting" with OM and that's ok? When my husband moved back in while he was waiting to leave for school, I had a rule: nobody else while we are under the same roof. Well, one night, it "appeared" that he was going on a date so when he left, I packed his uniform, toiletries, etc (ok, after I cleaned the toilet with his toothbrush. bad, I know), put them on the front porch and left a note saying that was unacceptable and he could find somewhere else to sleep. He was drunk when he came home, I asked him to leave (I could see a huge fight about to happen because I was really mad) and he refused. I have the "luxury" of being able to call the MP's because we live on Post. So I called to have them remove him because I thought it best to be proactive rather than reactive. God knows that I was exercising great restraint, trying not to explode. I tried to stay calm and enforce my boundaries. He violated them and I took action.
Anyway, sorry, that was long. My point is: what does DR say about them living with you and still being with OP? I don't think I could do that. I know me and I, for sure, would hurt a soldier for disrespecting me like that. Our home is our sanctuary and refuge. It's where we raise and nurture our children. My children need me to be on top of my game. If I'm stressing from the rejection and emotional turmoil that situation produces, I can't be all they need for me to be. If my H wants to violate the marriage covenant and destroy this family, he's not going to do it inside my home. His "blood" is on his own head.
