Well I guess I've fallen off of the DB radar around here! I was thinking that I should probably should just stop posting altogether since I'm moving on so to speak. But then I thought...wait....I've been on these for 6 months. For about 4 of those six months I thought I was DB'ing my butt off and was so emmersed in saving my marriage, that I probably wasn't DB'ing well at all. At least not as well as I could have been. But as soon as I accepted this as the current reality...something switched and it was full steam ahead for myself...GAL at it's best. And suddenly I'm probably only just now REALLY DB'ing! So why am I saying this? Repeating the same crap I've said before...because I know how many people out there are obsessed right now with saving their marriages and who are looking at these boards every minute of every day for some kind of sign that THEIRS will be the one it will work out for. First of all...more power to you. But also...I don't believe my story is done just because I'm moving on with acceptance. I've seen a lot of people move on from the boards and we never really know how things turned out. So I'm going to continue to journal and anyone who cares can check in now and then. And who knows...maybe in 6 months or a year all of a sudden my dear old H will decide he's made the biggest mistake of his life! LOL...yeah right.
On that note...if anyone is still interested... I've been busy this week. Lawyers, bank accounts, real estate agents. I'm hoping that we'll have our financial doc's sorted out and the house on the market by the end of next week.
My D & S spent a couple days with H at his new house this week and they're with him today. I heard OW's name come out of my D's mouth for the first time this week...that was like nails on a chalkboard. Tonight is my H's best friends 30th b-day party. EVERYONE but me will be there...including OW. Nice. I am starting to catch wind though of just what all of our friends really think about H. I shouldn't have assumed everyone was just accepting him and moving on. They all think he's a dumba$$ and can seem as a ticking time bomb. I just wish they had the balls to tell him what they really think.
H gave me 1/3 of the money he owes me for the mortgage and the overdraft. THEN I find out yesterday that he told my best friends he just bought himself a 42" TV! WTF?
Friends are really starting to see what a fantasy world he's living in. While I try not to put too much stock in what others think...it is validating to know that they feel this way. It's only a matter of time before H starts to feel this too. I hope.
So for anyone still following and still looking for hope...stay tuned! I'll let you know how this whole detachment and GAL really works!
Well, while the kids are with H today I'm off to attack my house to get it ready for the market! J~
M 35 H 29 M 4 yrs T 9 yrs D 3 S born 10/19/07 Bomb 09/10/07 Separated next day OW - broke up and H moved out 09/07/08 Status - still figuring this out
I'm still here and reading how you are doing JennyF.. so I'm thankful that you've given us an update.
Wow, you can have your house ready in week to be shown off.. good for you. Is the house down the street from your friend still on the market? Is it something that you think you'll be able to afford if you can get what you'd like to get for your current home?
I'm thinking of selling now too.. I think I might move D2 and I into an apartment in the city.. it will make my commute so much easier when I go back to work (which I'm hoping to do in September).
It sounds like you work with a nice bunch of people.. when are you do back from maternity leave and if you don't mind my asking, what is it that you do (besides baking beautiful cookies).
Speaking of cookies.. do you have anything special cookie wise for Mother's Day?
Glad to hear from you. You still sound fantastic. I know we've never met.. but at the same time when I read about how you are doing I truly feel very proud of you!
W2G ;0)
PS.. Thank you for mentioning that the friends are not accepting of your H's behaviour.. even though they are too chicken to say anything. It gives me a little more hope for society!
Hi WTG, Thanks for making me feel loved! The house on my friend's street IS still on the market. I am so letting fate run it's course on this one. Just doing the next thing I have to do and it will all evolve as it's supposed to.
When not on maternity leave or baking cookies I am a buyer for a Canadian women's retailer. It can be stressful but I've been with the company 15 years in many different capacities so there is a lot of security there which is good right now. And I'm not due back until October so I don't have to think about that for a little while!
I did some MOM cookies for a friend (she bought them for her Mom's b-day party) a couple weeks ago and was going to do Mother's day in a similar fashion...but I've been too busy getting my stuff in order so cookies have fallen to the back burner for the time being.
Thanks for being proud of me....that means a lot! Back to the grind... J~
M 35 H 29 M 4 yrs T 9 yrs D 3 S born 10/19/07 Bomb 09/10/07 Separated next day OW - broke up and H moved out 09/07/08 Status - still figuring this out
Last night was H's best friends 30th b-day party. My best friend was dreading going and meeting OW. It was pretty tense for her and there is still the issue of me not being invited that has added tension to this for all of our friends.
SO...at 2AM my best friend calls me (albeit a little tipsy!!)...first she apologizes for calling in the middle of the night...then she goes and on about how unbelievable to whole night was. First of all and BEST of all...OW is OLD!!! I knew she was old (she's 40 and H is 29)...but apparently she looks old. A 'hag' was how one friend described her! Then she told that I was there even though I wasn't actually there. She said everyone was uncomfortable with the sitch, but epsecially when they found out I wasn't invited. Apparently H did't hang out with her the whole night. To the point that people didn't even think he brought anyone for most of the night because he wasn't around her. Then BF tells me that as she (best friend) was leaving...OW was acting stupid and hanging off the birthday boy as well as BF's husband! She said she was making an ass out of herself...hee hee hee. Many people remarked about how bad H looked and apparently he was completely uncomfortable and it was obvious. It's quite amazing to sit back and watch all this happening. I can just see the seeds of doubt being planted in his head as his new life begins to unfold and it's not all roses like he thought it would be. I'm told that the hosts of the party regret the decision not to include me and are feeling really bad about it. I don't judget them for it...I know they are in an awkward position too...but it did hurt and it's nice to know they care enough to recognize that.
So then H came and got the kids this morning. MIL went to visit his new place (an hour away) and is bringing them home any minute now. I think OW stayed over at MIL's house last night too...nice huh? Anyway, I'm glad this weekend is over. I got a lot done on my house this weekend...I should be ready for the real estate agent by Wed. Tomorrow I'm hoping to sign off on my papers with the lawyer and hopefully by the end of the week the ball is rolling for me to put an offer in on the house I want. Unless H comes to his senses and decides he's made a big mistake and wants to come home before Friday! LOL!
At this point...nothing would surprise me! J~
M 35 H 29 M 4 yrs T 9 yrs D 3 S born 10/19/07 Bomb 09/10/07 Separated next day OW - broke up and H moved out 09/07/08 Status - still figuring this out
It sounds to me that your H has made his manure sandwich and is now going to have to eat it. An old hag at 40? - that can only mean...too many men and too much booze.
LOVING IT. I think that is GREAT. It's got to make you feel good in some little way to know that she IS NOT anything special. I love that you are doing well. I can only hope I get there soon. I want to be confident and strong and okay with my sitch. I am really working towards that. Hang in there Jenny. I am praying that you get the house you want. Don't leave the boards, please. There are tons of people who need to hear your story. Even though it is not a reconciliation, YET. It truly is DB'ing and a success story if I have ever heard one.
M 5yrs 1st baby-girl born 6/18/08 Bomb: 10/13/07 OW - I was 6wks Prego H Moved in w/OW: 11/2/07 D Final 07/10 OW had his baby 3/17/09-so her Me, now - happier than I ever was with him
Jenny, your situation is similar to mine in that your H has been living with OW for some time now and has exposed the children to the A. I dont know if your H is at the point like my W where the realization is setting in that the grass is not greener on the other side. I am curious...if your H were to say to you that he would like to come back and work on the M, would you be willing to take him back now?
I am curious...if your H were to say to you that he would like to come back and work on the M, would you be willing to take him back now?
Kerry...it's interesting that you ask this today of all days. I just got back from signing my financial statement at my lawyers. I will give them the go ahead to proceed with contacting his lawyer tomorrow. I've been emotional today...the truth is, I do not want a divorce. As ready as I am to accept today's reality and move on with my life...I don't want a divorce.
My answer to your question is...I don't know. With each day that passes I am getting more confident in myself and the fact that I am ok and will be ok, no matter what. But deep down, I do still love him and I do still believe that he is VERY messed up. Especially after the weekend and the OW info I received...it's proof positive for sure. But all that does is leave me still wondering if there is a chance he will come out if it. If came to me today and said it was all a mistake and he wanted to work on things, I would say this..."Let's start over". I mean right from the start. I would tell him that he has to figure out what is going on inside of himself that drove him to all of this before there could ever be a chance for us. I would put a D on hold. I would put selling the house on hold. But I wouldn't let him move back in right away. We would start as friends and then see if dating is even a possibility. I would try to be there as a friend for him and would have to see over time if... A) He truly realizes, admits and accepts the repurcussions of his actions and is willing to do what it takes to make it right (if possible) and B) Could I actually get over and truly forgive him for what he's done. Not sure about this one. Having said that...there is nothing I wouldn't do for my kids and I think I would want to give a try for them. And who knows, maybe one day I can tell them that I gave their Dad the second chance of a lifetime and we came out of it better for it.
But that's today. I may feel differently in a couple weeks...or a couple months...or a couple years...depending on when/if he decides to wake up.
I just briefly read some of your sitch and find it interesting that your W is suddenly having some second thoughts. I hope my H realizes that the grass isn't greener sooner than later.
blindsided and gabbysmom...thanks for the posts. Gotta go change a diaper and pick up D from pre-school! J~
M 35 H 29 M 4 yrs T 9 yrs D 3 S born 10/19/07 Bomb 09/10/07 Separated next day OW - broke up and H moved out 09/07/08 Status - still figuring this out
Jenny, why your husband would want to leave you is beyond comprehension.
You and I are both at the same cross roads. I had my house appraised and will be getting my financials to my L this week if my W does not convince me otherwise tonight. I dont want a D and would gladly put it on hold and start over as you mention.
Jenny, I have missed you and was feeling guilty for not posting in your thread for a long time....then I read what you said about 40 being old. I'm 40ish so let's get it clear that 40 isn't old, however not all women age gracefully. Apparently when someone is a CFB they don't age well.
I am glad you gave us the update. (My H finally acknowledged that he wants a D. Didn't verbalize it, but shook his head yes when asked by a T.) You are my idol Jenny....you are so strong and so good at GAL. I hope that I can get my sh-- together and be as strong as you.
Lizzy
R 23 years M 20 years Bomb June 2007 S Oct 2007 Ds 11 & 16 Ds and I moved out Aug. 2008
