Oh I just thought of something else. She said that I most likely should file for divorce under mental cruelty because adultry is so hard to prove. I would have to have witnesses and things to prove adultry. That just totally blew me away. Isn't my word that my husband cheated on me enough?
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
I wanted to tell her that the awful person I was telling her about who stays out until 2am is not my real husband. My real husband treated me like a princess and was so wonderful. Sure he didn't make a lot of money, but he was so loving and compassionate. That this man I have now isn't really him...just a shell of him. But I just nodded my head...
This is so what I feel. My problem is I still try to talk to my husband or be honest with him the way I would have before but he is not him anymore.
Me~34 H~38 D6.5
EA/PA-DEC.07
Moved out~Apr.13,08 Sep. Papers~Dec.7,08 No contact order ~Dec.9,08 and again October 13, 2009
its all not fair, and no its also not fair that you will have to support him. I too agree that if the S cheats they shouldn't be entitled to alimony. property is different but alimony.. no. Do you think he would be so bold as to take it? Some men would just have too much pride..
If he asks you about the meeting i would be very very vague, don't tell him too much, let him wonder a bit, you want him to be quessing a little. he needs to worry. but if he pressures you, i would come right out and say, what exactly do you expect??
Good luck and let us know... take care
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Your story sounds very much like mine. I too went to a lawyer just for info. I have no desire for a divorce, but H went to a lawyer, so I figured I better get some info too. My H and I are still living seperately, and I hope everyday that something or someone will snap him back to the man I married, because this person that I have been dealing with the past year, is not the man I married. I can totally relate to your comments. My attorney also saw that I am not ready to file or even contemplate D. He told me to fight like hell. I had more control than I gave myself credit for. So, take stock of the advice you received and file it away for later. Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. That's what I am doing. I am fighting so hard because I know that the real guy I married is still in there somewhere, I just need to figure out how to get through to him. I also would like for the OOW to fall off a cliff or something, but that's not very nice now is it? If,....no WHEN we get through this, I know we will be better for it. Hang in there.
Me 41 H 42 T 21 yrs M 16 yrs S15, S11 Bomb 1: Not happy 09/06 Bomb 2: Not in Love 02/08 Bomb 3: Admits to EA, poss PA? with OOW 03/24/08 Moved out 04/11/08 (our 16th wedding anniversary) Go Bills! Go Sabres!
I'm so sorry you have social anxiety. But you should be so proud of yourself! You forced yourself to go and you didn't do all the things you thought you would (fall apart). You are so much stronger than you think, kiddo.
You need to learn to embrace your inner bitch (truth is, people tell me this all the time, too). When people like us love, we really love and it's not easy to turn the love faucet off even when it's hurting us in the long run.
I hope your husband tells you things you need to hear and is honest about it. Don't tell your h what the lawyer told you - WHATEVER YOU DO!
hugs, sweetness.
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
I am sorry you are upset Sara. You really should be proud of yourself. I know it is different in each state, but the thing about the alimony surprises me a little. I guess because of the length of your marriage and he has earning potential. Did she say how long it would be for?
Did she say anything about a separation, or if there was any way to make him leave the house?
Quote:
If I were in charge of the law, I would say that if a spouse cheated on the other spouse, then they get nothing!
I completely agree! It is so frustrating.
I am sorry, I am not much help right now as I am having a bad night myself...maybe I can be of more support tomorrow. I can offer hugs though ((((Sara))))
I didn't read everyone else's comments, just your journaling Sara.
It sucks that most states are no-fault now, it doesn't matter who did what. BUT the court WILL ALWAYS accept a settlement agreement that you work out. So IF you decide to file, look at mediation and see if you can work out an agreement with your H. He may not want alimony because of pride, and if he doesn't then that's better than what the courts would do by default.
You are very strong. I am very impressed with how you handled the meeting.
(((Sara)))
Don't dread talking to your H. This has got him thinking. He may try and talk you out of it, he may take you seriously. Whatever the case, you will do what you want and need to do.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Or he might totally become angry. That's how my H reacted. Called me every name in the book and said I didn't have to do that (call a L). Whatever. He gave me no choice when he threatened to make money and other community assets disappear.
Hopefully your H wouldn't behave this poorly, but just be prepared to expect anything.
(((((Sara)))))
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
I hate that I live in a no fault state. I also hate that there is nothing the party that doesn't want the divorce to do. They don't look and see how crazy our MLC spouses are acting and that perhaps there should be a requirement of some sort of counseling before anything is granted. So not only are our S screwed up but so are the court systems! This is sometimes why I feel like I have no say in this situation. Just rambling. kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Well when H got home, he mowed the lawn and we watched tv together (right now he is in the bathroom getting ready for bed). He didn't mention the lawyer stuff and I didn't bring it up. He did seem to be acting very kind to me....like my "normal" husband. I know if nothing else, he is thinking.
I dont' know if he would want the marital support or not. The lawyer just wanted me to be aware of that possiblity. It just seems so silly to me. I wonder if things will change once he finishes these classes and if he gets a better paying job. Who knows, that might make a difference.
She said that the only way I could get him out of the house would be to file for a divorce then I would have to wait 4-6 weeks for a judge to decide and he would then have 30 days to get out. She always told me how expensive this would be. It almost seems like I should just wait it out and see if he find a place by August-September like was the original plan. Going through the court would be 2 1/2 month, which would be mid-July if I started right away. The whole thing would cost me about $500. Seems a little expensive, especially if he is going to leave on his own a month later.
I am still holding out that he is going to have a change and be willing to communicate things with me. No longer staying out until 2am. and prepare to work on our marriage. Maybe it seems hopeless, but I am still believing that it will happen.
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
