Help Me Act AS IF, Part 5

[newnamenewlife]

More pain and frustration. H is really pushing me on seeing a mediator with him or seeing a collaborative lawyer. I'm not sure why he is so stuck on wanting to do that before moving out.

When the bomb was first dropped, he said we should see a MC, that he was fully committed to working on our M. For weeks, I tried to get us to reconnect. He resisted at every turn. I would email him about making a plan to go on a date, and he wouldn't respond. I'd ask him again later and he'd act like he wasn't sure what I was talking about. Total passive-aggressive stuff that hurt me and insulted me. It happened over and over and so I gave up on trying.

Well, now I guess I'm playing that game, childish as it may be. He just turned to me and asked if I'd had the chance to visit the collaborative lawyer website he emailed me.
Me: "I didn't have time."
Him: "Are you going to look at it? I thought you said you were going to talk to a lawyer."
Me: "I guess."

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I want to be cooperative but I am so hurt and resentful at the way he has treated me, disrespected our M vows, refused to do MC, ignored all my earlier efforts to schedule dates, ML, etc. I know I can't make him want to be with me, but I just can't seem to let go--esp when it comes to the kids, I just don't want to do it.

I told H recently that I wouldn't stand in his way if he wanted to leave, but that I wasn't inclined to actually help him out. Why is he making such a fuss about seeing a mediator before we can S? Is that him stalling or what? Do we need a formal agreement? I don't see others on these boards being presented with this pre-divorce formality.