Quote: Maybe also an "oh-so-subtle" splash of perfume to get his "olfactory" senses working a bit?
trust me, though LL does the painting in the house..the staining of the outdoor furniture..isn't afraid to pick up a rake and work in the yard...cooks..cleans..does the laundry and changes the poopie diapers all day..she wears make-up every day...and perfume and is even sporting a thong today and if I sit just right it shows... ...but I have to do those extra things just for me because when I do them for h and they go unnoticed or un-mentioned resentment builds...
son HAD to go pick me a flower from the yard (I don't mind I have a hill that I planted wild flowers on...big smiles...I had son bring daddy a beer while he's cutting the lawn..daddy thanked son and then looked at me and smiled and said thank you..
h's love languages are...
acts of service and words of affirmation.
mine are quality time and physical affection...
what a combo...but actually when you put them together and figure it out it can be a wonderful thing..the best of both worlds..just throw in some gifts here and there..(wich we do) and life can be grand.
so I'm busy speaking h's language and trying not to expect him to speak mine...and make sure to say thank you when he does..ie...I thanked him last night for watching the movie with me..and I thanked him for spooning me in bed last night...now I'd like to really thank him..nudge nudge..wink wink..
Quote: how to love LL the way she wants to be loved...
1.plan time to spend with her..not with the tv but with her. 2.laugh with her... 3.tell her a funny story about your day.. 4.tell her something about your day that pissed you off.. 5.tell her something that you wouldn't tell just anyone.. 6.hug her (like you mean it even if it's just that you yourself need a hug) 7.kiss her.... 8.tell her you love her...
yesterday...
1. h came home early (sad that 3:30 on a saturday is early but I'll take it) 2. don't know if we laughed but it was a nice day. even though it was raining 3. nothing funny, but h did tell me about his day 4. h did let me know that he got a call from the original person who was to do the stump work and it annoyed him that he wouldn't be doing it...also h was annoyed at another person messing with his schedule..and yet another "issue". 5. I suppose that "issue" is something he's not telling just anyone about...(it concerns an employee) 6. I think I got a hug but I'm not feeling in need of one, so we'll let it go. 7. LL got a tad more than just a kiss last night! 8.drum roll please!!!!! in bed last night out of no where h kisses me on the forehead and then says...dum da da dum!! I love you!!!
funny thing is that thoughts of ow popped into my head last night...the questions again of is h calling her?? did h call her today?? something so silly as h not eating his lunch (even though he gave pretty valid reason for not..was busy and then was disgusted with how his day was going) can make me think..sure you didn't eat the lunch I made you cause you went and met her for lunch...would h really be that stupid...he knows that I will not accept it..if he were to spend time with her and get caught he'd have no second chance..this already is his second chance..it's obvious that he loves his kids and this house so why would he risk loosing it all..not to mention that he'd loose me too?? I don't think he would but the thoughts are still there. bummer! other than a few tears after our "encounter" (wich for some reason is not totally abnormal for me even before the sit) I said nothing about it...
ok enough of being pulled into that neg world...
three positives for today???
1. h took son with him for a ride to pick up some wood from a job site..(makes me feel better when he's got son with him, plus it gives me a little break)
2. I really love the new paint in the master bath...trying to take advantage of the time while dd naps to start painting the bedroom.
Quote: ll, i found a list that i gave H about two or three months ago of things i wanted him to do
i couldn't find one thing he wasn't doing...
yeeeehaaaaaaaw, eh?
just after posting the fact that h has basically been doing all of the things I listed as ways to show LL's she's loved I sat and thought to myself..then why am I still looking or waiting for something???
kinda like that bangels song..."if she knew what she wants..he'd be giving it to her"
sheesh we are complicated aren't we...
so if you say that mat has been doing the things you listed why not use that in your pieces thread or just come here and try listing the positives..even if just three and even if they don't involve mat...it's doing wonders for me and may help you too!!
Quoting lostlove: so I'm busy speaking h's language and trying not to expect him to speak mine...and make sure to say thank you when he does..ie...I thanked him last night for watching the movie with me..and I thanked him for spooning me in bed last night...now I'd like to really thank him..nudge nudge..wink wink..
LL
This is SUCH a great attitude, LL. Between the 3 positives every day AND acknowledging h's efforts...heck, you are doing awesome DB'ing!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Quoting lostlove: 8.drum roll please!!!!! in bed last night out of no where h kisses me on the forehead and then says...dum da da dum!! I love you!!!
Quote: funny thing is that thoughts of ow popped into my head last night...the questions again of is h calling her?? did h call her today??
Did these thoughts come before or after the ILY? Just curious...I'm starting to see a pattern in myself where when things get TOO good, I start focusing on OW more...in my case, I think it's the fear that I'm going to let down my guard, get cozy in my wonderful life and love and whammo...! Normal (????? or so I tell myself) fears, I think.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Quote: Did these thoughts come before or after the ILY?
long before the ily...I don't know why it is but I do have a tendancy to let neg thoughts of ow flow around when things are good...perhaps because when things aren't going well that is what I focus on (the fact that it isn't going well) and when things are going well I'm reluctant to believe it's real.
having one of those days today where I'm stuck in a mode of..h IS still calling ow..and I am just being played for a fool again...but part of me tells myself that is just self defeating talk..IF h were to still be in contact with ow that would be really stupid of him...eventually he would get caught again and that would be the end of HIS life...I certainly would carry on just fine. He is the one who stands to loose here...not me..and that I think he has figured out already. but still...he did do it once so why not again???
Just wondering, don't you think you'd know if things were not right with H? I mean, don't you instinctively feel that he's working on you guys? It may not be to the extent you want, but he's still working on your R. For example, I imagine there's a profound difference between how your H is acting now than how he was acting while he was having his A.
If my W was having another A, I think I would know from her behavior--distant, leaving frequently, agitated, unpleasant, unaffectionate, etc. Our Ses can be secretive, but they are not that good...........are they???
...but I have to do those extra things just for me because when I do them for h and they go unnoticed or un-mentioned resentment builds...