How are you sweetie! I'm sorry I haven't posted before now, but I've been in the midst of my own non-M drama and I wanted to make sure I could give you the time you deserved! Now it seems like you've solved so much....
Really, the thing that sets me back again and again is forgetting to detach, GAL, work on PMA. We can fall into the trap of believing our S is responsible for making us happy by their actions...or upset because of the choices they make. We have to detach again and again...
That's not to say we don't set boundaries and expectations. As you may have read in my thread, I did that with my H recently and it was a really good thing. I finally said everything I really needed to say about how I felt about contact with LW, and I put forth what I wanted in my M. The thing is, doing that was more about ME and less about H than I realized at the time. It was about me opening up my mouth and being completely truthful about my feelings and needs. It was about finally getting rid of the stupid eggshells I'd been walking on to some degree ever since the bomb.
What I've learned is that there are no guarantees. My H may find another woman, he may decide he likes old wrinkle-faced funkmeister LW, or he may decide he's madly in love with me for the rest of his life. I can't control any of that. The best thing I (or you, sweetie) can do for my M is to stay detached, take care of me (PMA), and speak truthfully with love in any situation.
I hear in your "voice" a lot of fear...so, name them, and then look at each one. Is it in your control? Any more than your H's decision to bomb you was in your control? If not, let it go or say what you need to say or set a boundary but do not hold onto it. It will drive you crazy.
I don't know if any of that helps...but it's my experience from this side of piecing. Now, go pour yourself a glass of red, put your feet up, and just enjoy a moment being Liz, warrior, happy in the moment.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
